“He’s a role model”, the one suspended boy claimed.

Sorry, kid, but you got caught trying to be funny while obstructing the flow of traffic in the school’s hallways for three days. Own up to it and take your lumps.

While I know most of Long Island is fairly well off and doesn’t have cops patrolling the schools, it would’ve been nice to see a little Occupy justice brought down on these punks.

This pattern will change pretty soon as I have some scheduled time off. I really enjoying the planning, packing, preparation, etc. that goes into it all, but what I’m struggling with — and what I’ll continue to struggle with — is cutting the proverbial social media cord.

Do I tweet while I’m on the plane or should I take that time to get some rest and hang with the kids? Do I need mobile uploads to Facebook as we’re doing the tourist thing? What about blogging about my experiences with the family while I am spending some time in the fun and sun?

These are things I’d do normally, so why not while I’m on vacation.

I feel like I’m an alcoholic and I’m at an AA meeting: “Hi, my name is Don and I’m a social media geek.”

I just can’t cut the chord. I’m going to try my best, but it’s going to take some serious discipline and of course, nudging from my wife and kids.

I always have the urge to Tweet, blog, create video, snap pictures and share my experiences with friends, family, co-workers and my extended friends in the social media world.

How does one go from total transparency to total darkness. I don’t think it can be done.

How do you cut the cord?

Article first published as Cutting the Chord is a Hard Thing to Do When You’re a Social Media Geek on Technorati.

My wife and I tried just about every trick in the book. Sticker charts. Water coloring (to change the water color when she pees). Candy. Toy store trips. You name it, we tried it.

This weekend, however, we had a breakthrough due to two things: diligence and the iPad.

You see, my wife and I were militant this weekend with throwing her little butt on the potty. While it worked, the only thing that kept her on it was the distraction of the iPad. Yea, the iPad is now a potty toy. It’s no longer daddy’s commuting companion. It has a permanent place in the John right next to the Cigar Aficionado and People magazines. It’s funny what triggers kids to do things. Whether it’s to go potty or eat string beans, there’s always a tactic you can employ. However, these little battles are indicative of parenting overall. No matter their age, negotiations are always in play. Eating dinner. Going potty. Be home at a certain time. Cell phone use. Homework. They are all negotiable pain points as a parent and we need to figure out how to get through them, around them or come to an agreement because none of it is in the parenting handbook.

It’s up to us to out-think the little Jimmy Hoffa’s in our house because as much as you get frustrated and want to bury them in New Jersey, you just can’t.

It’s doesn’t work. Trust me, I tried it. ?

I can haz your catz fur in mah fud? (Alternate title: Not exactly what I had in mind when I said I wanted to eat pussy.)

As a card carrying member of the Man Club, there are very few foods I wouldn’t stuff my face with – especially after having a few drinks. Day old burritos? No problem. Week-old General Tsao’s chicken? Just pick off the hardened rice and we’re good to go. Half-brown pears? Why not, they’re just as juicy and I don’t have to work as hard to eat ‘em.

At one point I noticed something, though. A co-worker and avid cat lover admitted that she let her cat sleep in her sink, on the counters and occasionally in a bowl. Yes, her cat’s filthy paws, that had just been in a litter box, were now in the place where the cookies for the company outing were prepared. A charming woman, I made a point to ask which dish she brought to pot lucks and never touch it.

I used to think this was odd behavior. I mean, she loves her cat so much and seems like a generally clean person (sans the cat hairs on the back of her favorite black sweater) and I’m such a snob that I won’t even give something she made a chance?

Flash forward several years and as the Dad of the house I’m essentially the garbage disposal, who’s responsible for every leftover, “there’s only one left – anyone want it?” and essentially crumbs of anything sweet that may be purchased and sit at the house while I’m gone at work. As a scavenger you learn to improvise and make due; Hot dogs on a piece of wheat bread? Why not. Mac and cheese, baked beans and broccoli in one bowl? Eat up. Half a burger? Gone. I used to plow through this stuff like I was prepping for one of many of Joey Chestnut’s titles.

That was my life until recently. I noticed the belt needed an extra notch, those “slim fit” pants were revealing male camel toe and my side profile looked like my father. I started watching what I ate and trying to get in some exercise and alas, my clothes started to fit again. I still felt sluggish, so I started re-examining what I ate.

Now, because of my job over the years I’ve been exposed to a lot of truths that get spun into “new” truths. Such as: Ethanol is a good thing. We need this bill to pass to “save jobs”. And High Fructose Corn Syrup is OK for you. Using my best judgement, I’ve usually been on the right side of these issues. When I would volunteer to hit the grocery store, I would always avoid products with high fructose corn syrup because I knew it wasn’t natural, your body can’t process it properly and there’s no way in hell I’m going to have my boys grow up with boobs.

My wife and I recently rented “King Corn” and, while it took us several months to finally watch it, showed us the exact reason why my instincts were right – high fructose corn syrup, while a cheap sugar substitute, is basically poison. I had no idea the depth to which corn was produced to support live stock and numerous industries, so that part was quite shocking to me.

A few days later I cued up “Food, Inc.” on Netflix. As some material was redundant with “King Corn”, this documentary went through the systematic dismantling of the family farm and how the government ordered the production and subsidation of the corn industry. Family farmer are either forced to sell to multinational chemical, err, biotech, err, “food”, companies, and those that stay in business are aligned with one of four major food producers, buried in debt to meet their standards, and are producing “food” that is poisoning our bodies daily.

Step right up and reach into a cow's stomach and pull out your own corn bi-product! Yee-haw!

Both documentaries go through the basic, simple notion that cows used to be grass fed and graze but are now confined to lightless, fecal-filled sardine cans and kept alive through the use of hormones and antibiotics. Their bodies, like every other animal (including humans), can’t take living on corn full-time.

It goes a long way to explain why so many Americans are, much like the cows, chickens and pigs in both movies, suffering from heart burn, acid reflux and ulcers. Your body, and in particular your stomach, is fundamentally breaking down and can’t handle that much corn. It also explains the obesity epidemic in this country and how, like most problems, when the government and business get into bed together it’s never the “consumer” that wins.

Times, They Are A Changin’

We used to shop at the local farmer’s market, grow a small garden and pick up organic food when possible. You better believe that we’ve made the switch full time. We’re even looking into buying in on a farm as a co-op in order to guarantee fresh, sustainable vegetables, fruits and meat.  One of the big arguments people have is cost. The prices actually aren’t much different from what you’d pay elsewhere and as “Food, Inc” points out, organic brands that support sustainable farming like Stoneyfield Farms are even being carried in Wal-Mart. Consumer demand is what drives this, folks, and the only way to break the cycle is to send a message with your wallet.

What’s crazy is that while we spend more on food and bring home slightly less, we’re finding that we’re not hungry all the time like we were before. I’ve lost weight and so has my wife, and it’s not because we’re wasting away due to starvation. It’s because unlike high fructose corn syrup’s empty calories our bodies are able to register when we’re full. The other piece that is huge is that I know my kids aren’t eating Frankenfood and I’m hoping my middle son will have a chance at outgrowing the numerous food allergies he’s had. You can help break the cycle for your kids at school as well by signing a petition for schools to provide healthy lunches here.

To top things off, I can’t walk down the streets of New York without thinking about how many restaurants and delis I pass that are charging an arm and a leg for serving processed foods and non-organic crap. Yes, I used to sneer at food made by cat people — but now I feel like unless I know the source I have to do it to everyone.

He loved me, this I know, but distance and ill-feelings between adults kept him away. Years later, I made my piece with it. To this day, though, it bothers me still to see fathers – whether married or not – who refuse to be present in their children’s lives.

Now comes a new reality “drama” aimed at getting a few of these potential Darwin Award-winners to sack-up and be dads. VH1 Dad Camp airs its first episode on May 31 at 10:30 p.m. EDT. VH1, formerly known as the “adult contemporary” version of MTV, has teamed with the National Fatherhood Leaders Group to bring in psychologist Jeff Gadere to work with six fathers and their pregnant girlfriends to attempt to get them to be “dads” by the series’ end.

Whether this show has the mettle to bring other real-life sperm donors to “fatherhood” is a question that will only be answered with time. But what it will most likely achieve is shining a light on the reality that being a dad means something more than showing up when it’s convenient – you know after late-night feedings and diaper changes, after the umpteenth illness punctuated by projectile vomiting, and after potty training. Being a dad means being there for those times, and for the times in between and later. It means seeing your children every day. It means telling them you love them. It means disciplining them and teaching them to learn from their own mistakes.

Just as important, and not to be overlooked, it means being there for the mom. Not every relationship that involves a child is going to work out. I lived this reality. But responsibility for your children doesn’t end when the love fades. It never ends. Share the burden of raising the child, and make it easy on the moms, because no matter what, every single-mom is doing the work of two parents at all times. Be kind, and be respectful of her time and priorities.

It takes work, but every father can earn the title “dad”.

J.Crew Herringbone vest. Taken from GearPatrol.com

I blame my wife for some of my missteps. Part of the reason I stopped knowing how to dress myself is because I stopped shopping for myself. Items of clothing I liked and with which I was comfortable seemed to go missing over time; new ones appeared in their place that my wife had acquired. This worked out fine when I wore exactly what missus told me to wear. Left alone, I was laughable. Worse, I earned the question, “What happened to that man I was so attracted to, the one that always used to wear such cute outfits?”

Part of the blame must also go to the kids. First of all, I was tired all the time, pouring myself into clothes in the morning so that coffee could be poured into me. But second, what was the point of wearing a decent shirt if it was just going to end the day having served as napkin, dish towel and snot-rag?

I ‘m being facetious – everyone should have a wife and kids like mine. Really, the blame for my couture is mine alone to bear. I’d gotten lazy about it. Today’s casual workplace and the nature of my work, which rarely involves face to face contact with clients in favor of emails and phone calls, has required little of me. So I simply decided it was a new day. Time to change clothes.

So what did happen to the man that impressed the girl who was to become his bride while wearing the overcoat and scarf? I had to reach back in my memory to a time when I enjoyed clothes and remember what it is I had liked and what had worked on me.

All my adolescent life and into my twenties I liked clothes, while never being much of a dandy. I especially loved classic looks that pre-dated me; suits, ties, tweed jackets, turtlenecks, vests. The truth of the matter is I had never spent much money on clothing. I had always haunted second-hand stores for my outfits and had pieced articles together with hand me downs from my dad and the occasional new piece. I had never had the experience that most American men and women seem to have had; attentive shopping at malls and such for new items and complete ranges of outfit options.

No, I was more often found in the same pair of jeans and rumpled shirts in conservative styles and colors and low-maintenance fabrics, wing tips or ankle boots from the 70s, sometimes paired with an unbuttoned vest, knit tie and the jacket from a men’s suit, often favoring the boxy cut of the late 60s. You’d find a lot of real gems in the Value Worlds and St. Vincent thrift stores of my youth – and this before there was much of a trend in what we today call vintage clothing.

So, no problem, right? Clearly it’s simply a matter of bringing these things back. What’s old is new again. Well, I don’t think it’s that easy. The outfits I just described worked on me then because they looked appropriately boyish. The guy that looks at me when I shave ain’t a kid. He’s bald, for one thing, a topic in itself, and I think he should look his age. The outfit shown above, for example, would look silly on him.

Happy ending is I’ve been looking better, even getting compliments on my wardrobe – sometimes even from my wife. But the truth is this is still a work in progress so expect more from me on this topic to come. For now, some preliminary findings:

-Pleats, they must go. At the same time, why do pants these days have to ride so low on the hips and drape so far over the feet?

-On that note, I know now the value of tailored items. I am no longer as slender as I once was – but I am, in fact, in the best shape of my life. Like most bodies, mine’s made up of unqeual parts. For shirts this means I have a bullish neck and short torso on a slender frame, making shirts look either too small or too blousy on me.

-Footwear. My 20-something metro co-worker told me once I had the elements of the outfit together but you cannot compromise on the footwear.

-Denim. It seems to me a nice pair of jeans goes with anything and makes whatever you’re putting together pop.

-Khakis. So ubiquitous, so easily undermined; so easy to take a pair of khakis and turn and outfit boring. How to avoid this?

To be continued!

Here's my Terrible Twoster. He's learning fast!

I know its cliché but my two-year old is going through that difficult time known as The Terrible Twos.

What does that mean? It means he says no a lot, cries a lot and throws shit fits a lot.

That’s bad enough that we’re at that “natural” stage of his development, but toss in he’s recently been sick (diagnosed with Celiac Disease) and it’s been a hard time. Primarily because it still feels hard to punish him after all he’s been through.

We’ve quickly moved past the stage where we cut him some slack from being sick. The reason for this is even at two years old, the kid knows how to manipulate everyone and so we need to bring down the hammer.

He’s at that wonderful stage where he figures crying will get him whatever he wants. He has the shit-fit down pat. We’re making progress breaking him of the habit but there is still a long way to go.

I know it will be sacrilegious but this is why I like my kids four or older. Yes, I love the baby stage for a while but these early years can be a bitch.

Is there anything more annoying that a child who doesn’t understand the concept of “no” or punishment? You’re completely crippled to do anything about it. Now, my son is quickly learning (they’re smart even at two) the meaning of no and punishment but he’s always pushing.

At two, kids are exerting their independence and their desire to be a person away from their family. At the same time, they cling to the baby days of carry me everywhere, etc. It’s an interesting mix of childhood emotion that can make you smile on a good day and make you go berserk on other days.

I love my kids and they seem to grow up fast once they’re past six or seven. But these first two years go on forever.

I’m not talking about the children in your neighborhood or the kids who come over to play, or the kids I teach, for that matter.

I’m talking about the random kids you encounter in public. You know who they are. They are the unattended, lightly parented, and poor-mannered kids who make life just a little bit harder. They run through aisles of stores, darting in front of your cart, or between you and the end cap full of sauce jars. They roll around on Heelys like they’re on their own personal roller coaster. They stand up on their restaurant booth and look over at you while you eat. Yep. You know them. You know them well.

If you’re a parent who gives your children boundaries, there is nothing that gives you more pride than to silently say, “My child wouldn’t act that way. Ever.” Or, maybe you don’t say it so silently. Maybe you say it in a stage whisper to another parent standing near you, if you’re the passive-aggressive type. My wife and I can communicate this with a look. Usually, it’s me looking at her because I have a lower tolerance for it. That’s partly because I hold kids to a set of rules all the time as an elementary school teacher. I think there are simple, universal rules for public behavior, and why some people choose not to follow them is beyond me. I’m not alone, either.

Take my former colleague, Brian Braiker, a former editor at Newsweek and Rolling Stone. His piece “Other People’s Children” for Time Out New York, really nails my feelings about this issue.

Of course, there’s a book about it, too, which I didn’t know about until I started researching this post. Fittingly, it is titled, “I Hate Other People’s Kids” by Adrianne Frost. Just the abstract alone makes me want to read it, IF I wanted to read a book about something I can’t stand.

To complete the publishing trifecta, there’s even a YouTube video, “I Hate Other People’s Asshole Children” by billyblackattacks (NSFW).

This is just a rant by someone who says he hates all kids in general. This is not exactly the point of “other people’s” kids, but the video does mention an encounter with a mom who didn’t like that her disrespectful child was told to shut up.

These are just the tip of the mountain of feelings most parents have about the children we see every day who could use some simple parenting. Because those of us who teach our children how to behave in public do it because we want to raise good citizens. We know they are a reflection on us and our parenting methods. We know that there are other parents lurking, ready to give each other a look and classify our kids as “other people’s children.”

Will my kids listen to Uncle Sam?

Today is one of those days where you woke up and expected things to go smoothly and happily only to find yourself yelling at your kids and losing your temper.

It’s also a business travel day for me which makes the outburst I threw down on my two oldest kids today even harder to deal with. As other business travelers with families know, you want to walk out that door on a high note with your family smiling and waving a hearty goodbye until you come back home in a few days.

Instead, my kids are probably glad “that yelling guy” won’t be around for a few days.

Perhaps the toughest job a parent has is trying to correct their children without sounding like a complete raving lunatic. As someone who has been more of the lunatic vs. the Ward Cleaver type father the past few weeks, I have to say I am tired of the kids whining. My smack down this morning was me pressing the nuclear button on weeks of whining and bickering between my 12-year old and 9-year old. My fellow EOT blogger – and misguided Patriots fan – Don Martelli recently posted on communicating with your kids. It’s good advice and something we should all take to heart.

Central to the issue: a 12-year old daughter who is rapidly approaching the “know-it-all” teenage years and a 9-year old son who is over sensitive about what his sister says to him. This creates a vicious circle of one bossing around the other and the other feeling all emotional about it.

All of this incessant whining is driving me and my wife absolutely bonkers. We’re at our wit’s end.

Are we to blame?

You bet your ass!

As much as I think always that we’re “strict” parents in relation to others we encounter through the kids school, church, youth sports – the bottom line is we need to do more to give our kids more responsibility. Our kids are fit and active but this “softness” in mentality is what is contributing to our kids being fatter and lazier than ever.

At the end of the day, this all comes back to effective parenting. Parents need to stop whining and raise their kids to be responsible young people. This means telling your kids “no” and means not trying to make their lives all shits and giggles. Life is not easy and life isn’t always fun. If we try and protect our kids too much, we do them harm. If we protect them too little, we put them in harm’s way.

The key word here is balance. My wife and I struggle with this balance from time to time. I am sure all parents do.

We need to teach our kids to have, what my good friend calls, the “victor” mentality, not a “victim” mentality. In today’s popular culture our kids are surrounded by the victim mentality. It’s up to us parents to teach them not to whine but to take control of their actions and reactions. This life lesson is vital to their future successes and failures. They learn equally – perhaps more – from failures.

My failure as a father this morning – the yelling, ranting and raving over breakfast – was another way for me to teach them not how to react to stress and difficult situations. I’ll have to wait until my trip is over to sit them down and own up to it. But I will do it and I think they’ll be better kids, and I a better father because of it.

Let’s just all stop the whining.

Follow Scott on Twitter @prgully or email him at scott@everyotherthursday.com. His personal blog, where he writes about public relations and social media, is www.scottgulbransen.com. Just don’t complain about his posts or he’ll cap your ass.

Carrie Prejean - not so psyched now

If you’re not up on celebrity gossip, recall that Prejean made headlines after claiming that she was robbed of the Miss USA title because of  her response to a question by judge Perez Hilton about her stand on gay marriage. (Prejean said she objected to it because of her religious beliefs.) The controversy made her an icon for those supporting California’s Proposition 8 banning gay marriage and, indeed, for the whole conservative movement.

More recently, however, things have taken a turn to the dark side. She was stripped of her Miss California title because of what pageant organizers said was a breach of contract (she was skipping public appearances). She then became embroiled in a bitter lawsuit with said organizers over payment for breast implants. (*Sigh*) That suit was quickly dropped after pageant organizers allegedly presented Prejean and her mother (!!) with a copy of what’s described as a “solo” X-rated video recording that an 18 year old Prejean made for her then boyfriend.  Prejean has admitted making that tape and called it the “biggest mistake of my life.” A standard issue media scrum ensued, nonetheless, including a testy appearance on Larry King Live in which Prejean refused to answer questions about the tape and nearly walked off the air. Today brings news that, actually, there may be more than one tape, as well as some racy photos of Prejean, who is being pursued by Vivid Entertainment, a XXX video company that has released tapes of a slew of immodest celebrities.  ”The footage we saw is a series of very graphic and hot clips,” Vivid co-chairman Steven Hirsch is quoted as saying. Vivid is offering her $1 million for the rights to the film.

To paraphrase Mr. Rock: “they don’t grade life decisions, but if you have the chairman of an adult video company telling you that you’ve got some hot clips and that he wants to do business, you f***ed up.” But the whole Prejean scandal raises a much larger question for moms and dads alike, which is about how and why a young Carrie Prejean found her way to recording and releasing compromising videos of herself in the first place? I think its safe to say that Carrie isn’t alone out there. Teen idols from Disney superstar Miley Cyrus on down have found out the hard way that sexy photos, sent to an intimate, or thrown out to the world via Facebook and Twitter, have a way of  biting you on the a** – presenting an image of yourself to the public that you might not like or wished to have presented.Circumstances are pushing the issue of teens, technology and exhibitionism on the front burner for parents, also. Take the recent intense media coverage of students “sexting” (sending illicit photos of themselves via mobile phone). That phenomenon is a perfect encapsulation of the way that adolescent impulsiveness and peer pressure are combining with easy access to cameras and the Internet, making  it easier than ever to make a really stupid decision.   The fact that prosecutors are, in some jurisdictions, pursuing legal action against distributors and recipients of these images makes the  ramifications of those stupid decisions even greater. I can’t tell you how many conversations I’ve had with parents who are deeply concerned about what kinds of stuff their kids are posting online about themselves on Facebook and other networks.

What can parents do? If you have teens, pre-teens and young adults, you absolutely need to talk early and often about the new Birds and the Bees. As ever, a solid understanding of their bodies is indispensable. Adolescents need the facts about sexual reproduction, pregnancy prevention and physical and emotional health – certainly from their parents and hopefully from their school, as well. But there also needs to be a frank discussion about mushier “Sex 2.0″ issues. What are some? How about what to say (and what not not to say) in discussions over e-mail, instant message or SMS? Those messages can easily be stored and forwarded by a callous friend or partner or a spurned lover who may share details about you, your family or your relationship that you don’t want shared. There also needs to be clear guidelines about how to avoid putting yourself in positions like the one Ms. Prejean finds herself in. Parents, including me, blanch at even the concept of illicit images of their kids circulating on the Internet, but spelling out the consequences of an impromptu cell phone photo shoot with your kids and setting a “no pictures, no way” policy is probably smart business. Social networks like Facebook and Twitter are yet another area where parents need to familiarize themselves with the technology and not be afraid to lay down some guidelines. Teens should be wary of predators that use these networks, of course, but also show good (informed) judgement about what kinds of photos and statements they post, how those might reflect on them to people who don’t know them well, and how stuff you post on social networks belongs to the social networks — not to you. Goofy photos from you skinny dipping at that house party might seem cool now, but not so when you’re  30 years old and up for a job at a prestigious law firm or bank. Nuff said.