The New York Times published a story about daddy bloggers and the recent Dad 2.0 summit. It’s about how daddy bloggers are the new mommy bloggers in a less crowded space.

Personally, I think the story is old news because this daddy blogging thing has been going on for quite some time now. The issue is, brands aren’t capitalizing on those of us who are publishing content online and have influence to the point that it can actually convince people to take an action.

The question is: why have brands hesitated to embrace daddy bloggers in the same fashion that they have mommy bloggers?

My guess is that us dad’s sort of don’t give a rat’s ass.

We’re not in this to make money. A lot of us are working and blog as part of our existing jobs or we do it because we like to write, not “blog” as my buddy Curtis says.

And, because we don’t give a rat’s ass, we might not as publish as much. While we have influence in small circles, we’re not getting the millions of pageviews some of the higher profile mommies are.

Another reason why daddy bloggers are still in the “start-up” phase of word-of-mouth marketing is that brands might not how to market to us, as opposed to at us.

Yea, commercials showing big ass trucks plowing through a bunch of mud, through the woods, while on the job, etc is cool and, sure, it’s manly. Is that going to get us to buy a truck?

Nope.

Yea, commercials with hot chicks in bikinis holding crisp beers are entertaining to watch, but they aren’t going to get us to rush into the liquor store to buy a 30 pack.

I think the Times has it right about brands having to get past the “men are morons” thing and really get into the mindset of today’s dad.

We’re busting our ass day in and day out. We’re time starved. We’re trying to maximize every dollar we have because of the economy being in the crapper. Our purchase decisions, typically, impact the family both positively and negatively. We want to do our homework before we slap down $500 bucks on a laptop for our teenagers. We want to test drive that truck to ensure that it’s going to fit all the crap we need to take on our family road trips.

So listen up brands.

If you want us dads to pimp your stuff, ask us. Tell us how your product, service, app, is going to make our daily drivels as dads easier.

After all, it’s always about us, not you.

LOLZ…

At any rate, grinding out every game for last year’s posts was tedious, to say the least. And after seeing the final regular season BCS standings before the bowl season even begins, I’m ready to pick every game right now.

Here’s no surprise, especially to those down South: The SEC will win every single game it plays. Notre Dame will have their mud shoots literally stomped in by Bama, LSU will decapitate an opponent on a kick return, Florida will score a billion points while allowing negative thirty billion and A&M’s Johnny Football will be christened as New Jesus.

And when I say the SEC will win, it’s not just in the bowl season — I’m talking about all time, forever, in every game it plays. In the event that a SEC school takes a break from beating up on a glorified high school team the week before their final SEC game and schedules another SEC school, the little known NCAA “reverse academic rule” comes into effect whereby their higher ranking academic school, Vanderbilt, will be forced to lose the game by forfeit — not because they didn’t field a team that Saturday, but because they’ll be busy taking all of the final exams for SEC bottom feeder schools like Mississippi State and Ole Miss. Vandy, by default, will then be allowed to play in the “NCAA (cough cough, laugh laugh) Title Game” against whichever felons from Ohio State that aren’t incarcerated in January, with the Commodores undoubtedly skipping their way into the end zone through rival conference’s “top defenses” — whilst reciting sonnets from Shakespeare and Pandya theorem.

Given this inevitable outcome, the SEC is going to make such short work of next year’s college football “schedules” that EA Sports will be forced to put the entire SEC on the cover of the 2015 NCAA Football game. Eventually the NCAA will be forced to do something unheard of in college sports: Split the SEC off into its own NFL D-League. In this new format, every player will be paid slightly more than they already pocket from team boosters while automatically being drafted from 1-253 into the NFL. Other NCAA players will be forced to play for the London Sillynannies in Europe, where Tom Brady will make his triumphant return (he did attend That [pussy] School Up North, after all) to England and lead the Sillynannies to a European Kittens and Girly Things Bowl championship. His team will be awarded matching pink lederhosen, pinky rings and castrations.

Eventually, with the second rate NFL players out of the way, every SEC player will dominate in the “New NFL” and break every record ever held throughout all time: a 50,000-yard rusher, 99-yard field goal records and team defenses that allow negative points will all force the NFL to burn the NFL Hall of Fame in Canton, Ohio and move it to Buloxi, Mississippi. There, Southerners will take annual pilgrimages to pray at the feet New Jesus and curse at all of the Blue States for even messin’ with their game.

Could the NCAA change their rules to stop God Nick Saban from forcing players to enroll a semester late, only to redshirt them so they’re closer to 23 years of age when they hit the field than 18 year old kids as “Freshmen”? Sure, but we don’t live in a world where an unchecked governing body like the NCAA could put a stop to this… right?

You might be thinking “Well, isn’t this whole scenario just a LITTLE overboard?” — and the answer is “YOU CAN’T SPELL ‘SECEDESCREW YOU’ WITHOUT ‘S-E-C’.”

For starters, you, sir (or ma’am), are an asshole. Your product that consists of space age polymers that transform from tiny beads into spongy, water orbs are quite possibly the messiest, most frustrating product my kids have received. I say “received” because no parent in their right mind would purchase these for their own child or children. That said, after last night’s birthday party I am seriously rethinking our status and relationship with several of my child’s friend’s parents as they clearly must hate my fucking guts. No person with any shred of remorse or respect for friendship would knowingly send your horrible invention into our home. It’s like that Star Trek episode where Captain Kirk bangs an alien and then impregnates a tribble, because clearly only the Shatt’s sperm could cause such an annoying creature to reproduce an infinite number of times. Or something like that. I’m pretty sure that episode aired when I was a kid during the 70′s and my Dad would leave his rum and Diet Pepsi on the counter and I’d chug it when he wasn’t looking. But I digress…

We first encountered your demonic product after receiving it a few years ago — surprise — as a gift. I don’t even remember what the purpose of the toy was other than your product, like bed bugs, would multiply and wind up in a lot of places they didn’t belong: under the sink, smashed into carpet, under my sheets and I believe at one point I may have even had to extract one from our infant son’s butthole.  It was at this point that I decided I would never purchase refills of Orbeez for my children, however the product’s similarity to anal beads made me wonder if there might be a different, more suitable application in the adult toy market for this product.

That theory was quickly disproven when, after multiple attempts to pick up Orbeez, the product refuses to remain an orb and instead disintegrate into a mash of castaway plastic from the Chinese factory it came from, slipping and squirting from my fingers, a broom and the vacuum.  These tiny, destructible bouncy balls end up under furniture, in drawers and in many other places they don’t belong. Did I mention my infant son’s butthole? Places like that.

You can't even wash these things down the fucking sink

Additionally, these toys serve no actual purpose other than to make parents like me frustrated. The original incarnation of Orbeez literally sat in a vertical maze, akin to a plastic ant farm, whereby they would roll or bounce out of the bottom tray onto the floor. And until the recent toy donation laws changed, ridding ourselves of Orbeez wasn’t problematic. However, your latest incarnation of the toy takes your level of assholery to a new level: Shooting Orbeez from a machine gun. So not only do the microscopic pre-soaked beads roll everywhere, but they’re actually encouraged to be shot around one’s house via a military grade launching device. Fabulously fucking evil on your part.

I’m looking forward to releasing my own product, specifically target marketed at you and your company’s employees. It’s going to be a container of round, brown, shit-smelling beads that come in finger paint containers. And like Crayola Color Wonder paints, they’ll only work when your child smears them on your face and yells “YOU’RE AN EVIL MONKEY FUCKER!” repeatedly. That’ll be the game, and the kid that smears the most turd on their parents face wins. I’ll even work some connections to make sure an online gallery is created that recognized facial features and tags you on Facebook so your friends will all know what an evil bastard you are.

Sincerely,

dave

Now, I’ve worked for years in New York City and as such it’s nearly impossible to walk down any street at any time of the day without a cabbie or driver laying on the horn at another driver.

However, New York City residents move out of the city for the promise of a better environment to raise children: a yard with grass and trees, good schools, Costco – you know, the essentials.

It’s with that where I struggle to understand the mindset of people that come out to the ‘burbs for peace and quiet and instead can’t help themselves but to beep at everything. Didn’t make a turn fast enough? Honk. Didn’t accelerate fast enough when the light turned green? Honk. Didn’t let someone complete a “Jersey left”, whereby as soon as the light turns green the person across from you in the left turn lane guns it to cut off traffic? Honk. Honk. And honk.

Seriously, help me readers – is this just Jersey people being assholes or does this happen by you? And when it is acceptable to use the horn?

What? You want to see your baby too?

It’s being reported that a new Dad was not allowed to see his prematurely born twins at the hospital because hip hop mogul Jay-Z and his diva wife Beyonce asked that the hospital shut down wards of the building to protect their privacy.

“They just used the hospital like it was their own and nobody else mattered,” raged new dad Neil Coulon, whose efforts to see his premature, newborn twins in the NICU were disrupted by the birth of little Blue Ivy Carter.

“They locked us into the NICU and would say, ‘You can’t come out to the hallway for the next 20 minutes.’ When I finally was able to go back out, I went to the waiting room and they’d ushered my family downstairs!”

Sorry, celebs, but if you want privacy you can home birth next time instead of denying other parents access to their babies.

It’s my guess the term “mid-life crisis” emerged from the salient moment when men take stock in their lives and realize they’re way off from where they wanted to be. Whether it’s with their relationships, their career, financial situation or role as a father, it’s a time when people naturally reflect on what was, what was supposed to be and what really is.

I turned 42 last month and it has been on my mind a lot lately. I don’t mind admitting that at all. I’m not in a mid-life crisis per se, but I am taking an accounting of where I am so far and grading myself out. Why? I am not sure but it’s happening whether I want it to or not.

Naturally, people tend to compare themselves to others when judging their own lives. I tend not to do this, most of the time. Everyone’s path is different and comparing yourself to someone else is futile. They haven’t had your challenges, your advantages or your disadvantages. Many men get caught in this trap and it’s exactly that – a trap.

In assessing my own life until this point, I’m overall very happy with how things have gone. Are there things I would have done differently if given the opportunity? Of course. Then again, would I be who I am today if I hadn’t had made poor choices or shown a lack of judgment at times?

I once read a quote the most expensive thing in life is regret. If you have many regrets, those weigh on you and impede your progress. Yet, I do have some. I’m doing my best to make them “ex-regrets” and instead look upon them as learning opportunities that make me a better man today. It’s hard sometimes but I challenge you to do the same.

At this point in my life, my biggest revelation is that I have so much more to do. I have so much more that I want to be as a man, husband and father. I also realize I have lots of work to do if I want to get there. We don’t know how man years we have here in this world so I need to get cracking at it.

I like to fancy myself a good father. Despite this, I know I can be better. And as every coach I’ve ever had, or have been around, has said: you can’t get better unless you know you need to get better.

Being a father for the fifth time this year again exposes to me where I can be better. I know I can be a better role model and leader for my kids. I’ve known that for a while. What I want to use 2012 for is to ensure I start doing what it takes to get me there. At this mid-point of my life, I now realize I can’t put many things off anymore. The clock is ticking and there is so much I’d like to do.

On the flip side, it’s also time to reflect on what I’ve done well as a father. I’m proud of those things and what I’ve been able to accomplish personally and professionally. You can’t get lost in where you can improve without first understanding what it is you do well. Make sure you take time to do that

If you’re approaching or near that mid-life part of your life, take stock and act now. You can accomplish many things in a short period of time if you want to. Move past regret and disappointment and focus on what you can control today.

Your wife, your kids and your soul will be better for it.

It started with “alternate” jerseys. Teams would create a “third” jersey that they could wear for whatever reason and of course, sell, to fans. Once the NBA started this trend, the notion of making over uniforms became common place. Jordan wore black and it was one of the coolest looks we’d seen. Even my beloved hometown Pistons caught a bug of early 90′s MC Hammer meets Charlotte Hornets rhinestone caps to create horrendous, pissed off-looking, knight chess piece uniforms, and at this point the ball started rolling. NBA teams started changing up their uniforms left and right, followed by the NHL, and before you know it an entire industry just figured out a way to get another $100 out of your pocket.

And you know what? That’s okay. I don’t mind a bad team changing up their uniforms to ditch a sad past. And I do think it’s OK to make tweaks as long as it’s paying homage to the past, as the MLB does to honor the Negro League teams. And finally, the NFL, whose teams rarely change their uniforms, caught on with some sweet looking throwbacks:

And more sweet throwbacks…

And some ill-advised “everyone should have a black uniform!” fad:

Al Davis called, he wants his schtick back.

And more…

There's nothing to celebrate with these ugly-ass uniforms

And then came Nike Pro Combat.

Boise state rocked Georgia and these white uniforms on Saturday night

At first I was cool with it. In fact, they changed up a lot of the stale looks that some teams had when they most likely weren’t working with a world class design team when they came up with putting a large block “G” on the helmet of the Packers, which was copied by the Georgia Bulldogs and Grambling State Tigers, so it’s refreshing to see some of the “classics” updated, even if it was a hoax. But tonight, all hell broke loose.

It looks more like amoeba, steaks, ringworm or a topographical map than a turtle.

Yes, that is a freaking turtle shell on a helmet and they wore it during pre-game. Even worse?

I seriously don't even know which half of this team to fucking root for.

This was their “game time” uniform and helmet — the Maryland state flag on each side of the University of Maryland Terrapin football uniform, matched only by shoes that had both the black and yellow checkers and red and white cross on them. But this mess of a production doesn’t end there. No, it goes 32 uniforms deep. You read that right – UnderArmour produced 32 uniforms for Maryland this season. Mind you, the team will only play 12 or so games, but they have thirty two freaking combinations they can wear this year.

It’s out of control, and I for one would like to see it stop before we end up seeing more interpretations of uniforms that look like something Gaga would wear than a sports uniform. What do you think?

Hi! I'm future USC grad Brian Jenkins about to take the field for the Las Vegas Elephants!

 

Yea, yea, yea…summer is just about over. The kids are heading back to school. The fall is near and we’re all getting back into the routine that’s better known as life.

The months of October through March bring cold weather here in the Northeast, which I’m totally fine with. What it also brings, however, is that caged rat feeling.

You know what I’m talking about. It’s finally the weekend, but the snow piles are about two feet deep. You’d take the kids out sledding, but you’ll get 10 minutes in and someone will be complaining they are cold.

This is when your creativity has to come into play. Busy out the Wii, XBox Kinect, iPad, board games, card games or just some plain paper and crayons. It is time to get creative and keep those kiddies occupied and having fun. Because, the minute they get bored, it’s the start of parental mayhem.

What do you do during the fall/winter months to keep the kiddies on the go?

And to my new son – who we think we’re going to name Luke – I have some thoughts, admissions and hopes that I’d like to share. I’ve been a father now for 14 years and I still have a bunch of nerves and unease with being responsible in so many ways for another human being. I believe we’ve done a good job with our other four children, but I always hope to be better.

As baby number five gets ready to join us, I can’t help but hope I can be a better father than I’ve been to our other four kids. It’s not that I don’t think I’ve been a good Dad – I know I have been. Yet, with each child I would hope my experiences with the others would help me be better. After all, that’s a lot of practice.

With Luke, I hope I can have more patience. For those of you who don’t have more than one or two children, the moment you get outnumbered, the stress level increases. Raising any number of kids tries your patience. But having multiples (3 or more) definitely has its unique challenges and one is retaining your composer when they’re screaming, yelling or otherwise pushing your buttons.

With all of the life changes (two new jobs, new city, new home, son diagnosed with Celiac Disease) over the past 18 months, I haven’t been the father I’d like to be. I’ve had a short fuse and have been so focused on providing for the family, I’ve failed to do my best to take the time to really have deep and meaningful conversations and spend the time with them that I want to. That’s my choice and no matter what the pressures to succeed or the pressures to provide, the time I need to do that is something I will no longer negotiate. I would have done that anyway, but with Luke’s arrival, it’s a great time to start.

As my good friend and EOT co-founder David Binkowski said in his post a few days ago, it’s never too late to be a good father. He recently went out on his own for that very reason. His post was dead-on and while our paths are different, I vow to do what he recommends.

One thing I’ve always wanted to do in order to be a better father is to continue my education in various ways. I did not grow up with a father who built things, fixed things or took their kids hunting or fishing. He did other wonderful things but those were not his strongsuit. They are things I believe boys should learn from their Dad so I am vowing to learn this year to do some of those things to help Luke and my other four sons grow up with those skills passed on from their Dad.

With the economy where it is, and people really struggling to find balance, more and more they’re realizing the most important thing is at home. They’re investing more time in their spouses – not their car or wardrobe. They’re spending more time with their kids and slowing down to enjoy the most important part of life. That’s how it should be as we (hopefully) shed our consumption economy and invest more time in our families.

Although I am using the imminent arrival of our little Luke to get me back on my game, that doesn’t mean it’s the only reason. The matter of the fact is my wife and my kids mean everything to me. I’d gladly give up my career and all of my world possessions to make their lives rich and happy.

Because I know if they’re happy, I’ll be happy.

I can’t wait to meet Luke. And I can’t wait to be the new improved father I know I can be – for all of my kids.

Reason #1: I look good in a bathing suit

Yes, it’s true. I have been staying in shape and not only have the same waist line that I did in high school, but I’ve also been fortunate to retain my muscle mass. As one male friend put it after seeing me poolside, “Holy crap dude, I thought you were just some internet nerd but — You’re a beefcake!”.

Reason #2: I’m not bald

If health is the new wealth, then being healthy with a full head of hair in your late 30′s like having a fucking Lamboroghini full of million dollar bills that spits out diamonds from the exhaust pipe. Let’s be frank: Women will say they don’t mind that you’re bald, guys – just like they’ll tell you “size doesn’t matter“. It does, and only women married to guys with small penises say that shit. So unless you’re rocking the Vin Diesel bald head, have the body and cash to match, and are packing 14″, it’s a proven fact that women prefer men with hair on their heads.

Reason #3: I have giant hands

This photo speaks for itself. I can clearly carry a lot of hangers. Pervert.

Reason #4: I enjoy grocery shopping

Sounds crazy, I know. But having worked as a stock boy in high school and being a label-checker, I know my way around the grocery store pretty well. In fact, I actually feel good knowing that I’m stocking up on fruits and veggies and not dumping high fructose corn syrup down my family’s throats. Bonus reason: I know the proper way to bag groceries.

Reason #5: I match my belt and shoes

Again, this sounds crazy but when you wear a size 16 shoe it’s not every day you run into a pair on the rack at a store. So, whenever I get the opportunity I stock up, because you never know. Uggs, All-Stars, Cole Haan, Simple, Steve Madden, Kenneth Cole, Nike – the list goes on and on. And, I have a belt for just about every pair  - so you won’t have a hunky guy on your arm with mismatched accessories.

Mind you that I’m a happily married man. However, with my wife going to work and a recent announcement that allows me more time at home, it’s always good to plan ahead.