My wife: “I do.”

Me: “What that the group of fat guys from Tennessee?”

My wife: “No, you’re thinking of someone else.”

Me: “But we watched them on YouTube that one time. Remember?”

My wife: “No.”

[clicks over to YouTube, checks Search History only to find that I disabled it]

Fail.

Van Halen's First Studio Album With David Lee Roth since 1984

Ok, so anyone that knows me absolutely knows I am a Van Halen fan. To me, no band better represents 1970s and 1980s hard rock and roll like Pasadena’s finest.

Then came 1985 and David Lee Roth’s ejection from a band that, at the time, was reaching the apex of its fame. After the whopper of an album that was “1984,” The Van Halen brothers went and fired the best front man in the history of rock and roll and replaced him with Sammy Hagar.

I’m not here to go back and forth on the Van Halen vs. the Van Hagar era – I’m also a Hagar fan. Instead, I’m hear to talk about Van Halen’s first studio album with Roth since the release of said “1984.” That’s right, the late 50s aged rockers finally came to their senses and reunited with Mr. Showman himself and the results are pretty damn good.

Released last week, Van Halen’s “A Different Kind of Truth” has catapulted to No. 2 on the Billboard album charts. Had it not been for the emotional return of Adele, the VH boys would have landed their first No. 1 album since “1984.”

The album itself is a rolicking adventure complete with some 30 year old tunes refreshed and recorded for release for the first and some new tunes. The overall feel and direction of the record gets us a little closer to what everyone has been clamoring for since the band last recorded as part of a doomed reunion back in 1996. It’s old-school Van Halen with riffs, screams, and a driving rhythm section (now filled out with Eddie’s son Wolfgang) that has me ready to return to the days of Reagan, AquaNet, and spandex pants.

A note: many fans and critics have derided the band for recording a few songs that first appeared on a demo produced by Kiss leader Gene Simmons back in 1976. Dubbed “The Zero Demos,” the recording was meant to capture the ears of record labels to help the yet-to-be-signed young Van Halen. Two tracks off that demo – “She’s the Woman -1976” and “Big Trouble – 1976” – were rerecorded for this new CD. Since they were never originally released officially, and because they’re old school Van Halen, I appreciate them.  Many have taken what Sammy Hagar said in the months before the release of the album, a criticism of the band for not writing new music, and remain dismissive of these old songs. Rift aside, I like the tunes. One note: on the new CD “Big Trouble” has been rebranded “Big River – 2012” with some lyrical updates. Here’s the new version of “She’s the Woman.”

Outside of the re-recorded tunes from 1976, the new CD strikes the chord that it needs to. Songs like “Beats Workin’” and “Honeybabysweetiedoll” also kick you in the head with traditional VH testosterone and even sound like Eddie perhaps put down his new Fender EVH Wolfgang in favor of the old Kramer. Call me crazy, but the tone on a few of the tunes matches the early era Van Halen records while some of the other tunes sound more sterile. Either way, it’s the best Eddie has sounded in years and it generally appears he’s having fun and staying sober and healthy. That’s a good thing for us fans.

The reunited VH on stage

As for Roth: he’s still the man. Gone are some of the signature high-ptich screams of the early 1980s but the DLR charm and wit are still alive and well. I’ve also heard some criticism of Diamond Dave but he’s still doing a great job. Who at 58 has the same vocal range they did 30 years previous? Could Hank Aaron still hit a 450 foot home run? No way. Roth has aged, and so has his voice, but it’s still distinct and delivers a nice punch. Criticized early in his career for often going on stage intoxicated and sloppy, the elder Roth is the consumate showman and it shows on the new record. One can only wait with excitement to see him prancing across the state on the band’s current tour.

I’ll let the music writers breakdown the entire CD; I only wanted to share my thoughts. I was fully ready to be disappointed by a CD 14 years in the making. Yet, after initially not liking the first single “Tattoo,” which is by far the weakest tune on the release, I’ve come to really love and enjoy “A Different Kind of Truth.”

Also, a recommendation: pick up the Deluxe Version which includes “The Downtown Sessions,” and unplugged and intimate set of tunes the boys play while sitting around Diamond Dave’s home. It’s pretty cool and filled with a DLR/Michael Jackson story…sort of.

I’m a 42 year old Dad who saw the original Van Halen, the lighter Van Hagar version, and now am ready to enjoy seeing the boys live into my third decade of being a fan.

I highly recommend the CD and expect the tour to do well.

Let’s hope they’re back together for good and continue making music for at least a few more years.

This year’s 1800 Tequila spots still zero in on Patron, but the sentiment of the ads has us thinking that there’s a lot of “What Ever Happened To?” possibilities. With that, we’ve been inspired to continue this meme on Every Other Thursday whereby we’re going to look at how things used to be and compare them today. Today we’re taking on Music.

What ever happened to music? It used to be songs about getting laid, flames and some ripping guitar solos. Now it’s all crying about the girl that got away, holding guitars without actually playing them and Tiger Beat appearances.

Don't mind our shit music, we have perfectly white teeth and well groomed hipster facial hair!

Seriously, none of the most influential artists of the past 40 years would be popular today. Beatles? Forget it. Too many bad teeth. Dylan? Are you kidding me? Simon Cowell even said that Bob Dylan bores him and, let’s be honest, Dylan would never win on Cowell’s former karaoke contest show. Sure, he writes powerful songs with meaning, but is he attractive?

Furthermore, it’s a complete sham that most of the artists today don’t even write their own songs, let alone do more than “sing”, thanks to autotuning. Face it, music today is a farce. It starts with image/looks and at the bottom of the list of criteria is talent.

A friend that runs a record label once said to me that the current criteria for signing bands is whether or not the A&R people found the artists attractive enough to have sex with them. Unfortunately, it’s the rest of us that are getting screwed.