Flash forward 13 years and a few pounds and skinny jeans are all the rage. And about a year ago, when I wasn’t really hitting the gym much, that sort of attire fit. My wife even recently disclosed to me that my once round butt had turned into “saggy old man ass”. But? My pants all fit.

Because I’ve been averaging 3 days a week at the gym as well as playing basketball every week for two-plus hours at a time, my physique is nearly as good as it was 13 years ago. Also making an appearance? Well, let’s just say those jeans from last year are beyond skin tight now thanks to a newly re-formed Rick Mahorn-esque booty — even with room to spare in the waist. Those “trim fit” shirts that I was sporting a year ago? Too tight.  Sleeves short. I’m beyond frustrated that I have to order new clothes, and as you can imagine being this size it’s a pain in the ass.

I was chatting with fellow EOT Dad Don Martelli the other day on Twitter about this dilemma. See, Don has a similar problem – because of recent weight loss, the “Big Guy” is now in between sizes and forced to either shop at the Big and Tall stores and wear a tent, or troll the mall to find one thing that fits.

Clothes for men are made in one size now – slim fit. Over 6′ tall? Good luck. Unless you want to stop eating it’s almost impossible to wear fashionable clothes and still live the High Life.

After several years of retiring the Big and Tall web site directory I founded back in the 90′s, I’ve found a few places online where I’m able to find clothes and shoes for big guys. Here are a few, we’d love to hear where you’re able to find clothes that fit in your size in the comments.

Buckle – Looking for jeans that aren’t going to squeeze your boys into submission? Want some decent washes, a few rips and some bad ass bootcuts? Try Buckle. They make jeans in waists up to 40″ and inseams up to 38″. Broad shoulders? They have you covered with an “athletic” cut in their shirts. I have a 37.5″ sleeve and their stuff fits. Take my word, you’ll love it for casual wear — just watch out for the Affliction line, because you don’t want to end up in a roadside ditch.

Oddball – Sure, sites like Zappos offer big sizes too, but tall brothers Seth and Zac at Oddball START their shoes at 12 and carry wide widths as well as extremely large sizes, not to mention their own line of socks. Don’t let the shipping costs get to you, the guys in Portland get exclusive styles on some of your favorite brands.

Nordstrom – The Nordstrom family is also tall and thus they carry a ton of tall sizes and large shoes too. And if you want a really great deal on shoes, check out their Nordstrom Rack outlets.

Tucked in golf shirts are for the golf course. Enough said? Perhaps not. So let me explain.

Boys. Men. Gents. Dudes. Hear me out. The tucked in golf shirt is not meant for every-day business casual wear, not matter how hard any second rate men’s clothing store or ad in Cigar Aficionado will try to sell the concept to you. I see it a lot: A good looking dude enters the Starbucks with his workmates. They’re chatting away, poking fun at the new assistant. Maybe they’re talking smack about the looser at the poker table the other night. And sure as balls on a bull, the loudest guy in the group is also the one sporting a Ralph Lauren Polo neatly tucked into his pleated Dockers (oh don’t get me started on the pleats), with a tad overhang out front due to his slowly growing beer and pizza gut.

Enough. Please!

Instead, might I recommend a few very simple-to-achieve alternatives:

1) The un-tucked form-fitting dress shirt and v-neck undershirt combo, with a dark pair of jeans or, if you must wear dress pants to work, a pair of slightly patterned dark dress pants. Dark shoes. Black belt. Done.

2) Or, sweater or cardigan with v-neck undershirt. Nice jeans or dress pants. Sneakers. Done.

3) Or, tucked in funky dress shirt, open top button, loose fitting black tie. Dark jeans or dress pants. Dark boots. Done.

4) Pair a solid jacked with any of the above and you’re golden.

Seriously. I could go on. But what can’t go on – what needs to stop immediately – is the tucked in golf shirt. Please consult the newly released “Lookbook” from Zara, The H&M Style Guide, or, one of my favorites, a great little blog called The Satorialist for more on how to look great.

Thank you.

You might be thinking “Dave, that’s bullshit. I love having my pocket on my dress shirt. It allows me to hold a pencil, my train pass, and sometimes a tampon for my wife when we’re out and she needs one.” And to that I say:

NICE CHEST PURSE.

or possibly:

THAT’S GREAT, GRANDPA.

Or maybe it’s just that you’ve given up. Dress shirt pockets, indeed, are the George Costanza sweat pants of your work wardrobe.

JC Penney called, they want their helmet hair and douchey clothes back.

In fact, the more I think about it, I can’t think of one legitimate reason for anyone to want to have a pocket on their dress shirt. It’s bad enough we suffered through cargo pants and fanny packs, but men deserve to have one article of clothing that doesn’t have to hold anything.

“But Dave, it makes life more convenient! I can throw my phone in there and my business cards!”

Do you have any fucking idea how many people with pacemakers that probably kills? Or think about the fact that you have pants with pockets? Or better yet, how about just emailing your contact info to the people you meet, you tree killer? Jesus, you are really a selfish bastard at this point.

“But Dave, my wife thinks they’re cool. She must, I mean, she buys all of my dress clothes at Kohl’s so you know she’s a thrifty, fashion-conscious shopper.”

Your wife hates you, and even worse, she’s dressing you like a douchebag. Think about it: her mission to spend as little as possible on your threads so you look as unattractive as possible to the opposite sex. She’s not thinking about how cool you could look but more about how much money is left over for her expensive shoes. And she’s probably laughing behind your back when you leave the house in pleated Dockers with a “really handsome” button down plaid, short sleeve shirt. With a fucking pocket.

Men, join me here. Let’s start a movement and make the dress shirt pocket a thing of the past. Leave a comment to “sign the petition” below… and R.I.P., dress shirt pocket.