Before accepting the new position, I debated staying at my old job. I weighed the pros and cons of both and discussed it all with my wife. Despite it being something I’ll have to live with, the decision affects the family just as much as it does me.

My wife trusts me to make the right decision, but it was good to use her as a sounding board and reassure myself that the decision to make the move, was the right one. Only time will tell, but I’m already feeling that the decision was the right one.

As the bread winner (only bread) in the house, this was a big decision. Everything is riding on this decision — home finances, career, etc. It’s a scary thing, but at the same time, very exciting.

After thinking about it more and more, I came to the conclusion that this decision was the right one because the family is worth it. Everything I do is for them. Having flexibility to work from home; earning more money; and, being with a company that is young, vibrant and eager to grab the brass ring is a great feeling. And, at the end of the day, all these things will help in progressing the family towards our goals — more vacations (out of New England); having spending flexibility; and, of course, having the ability to really dive deep into home improvements.

I start the next chapter of my career on Wednesday and despite being the one heading into the new office by myself, the family will be right there with me.

Don Martelli is just a dad, moonlighting as an agency exec, photographer and civilian journalist. He’s the executive editor for Technorati and a co-founder of Every Other Thursday. Connect with him at www.donmartelli.com or @BigGuyD via Twitter.

F-bomb dropped. Image macwagen on Flickr: http://www.flickr.com/photos/macwagen/2918460559/

Did the headline get your attention?

Would you have been offended if I would’ve used the full F-word?

Last week, there was a bit of an online flare up when the employee of an agency my company* uses for one of its brands inadvertently tweeted from the brand Twitter account rather than his own — and dropped a full-blown F-bomb about Detroit drivers.

Some of the reaction to that tweet and to my company’s reaction indicated that the company should grow up and that dropping an F-bomb is really no big deal.

I totally disagree with that sentiment. Granted, verbally, yes I swear a times. Even in front of my kids; though usually out of frustration. It’s not right, and my wife, Amy, calls me out for it — as she should.

But, online, I don’t think I’ve ever sent a tweet, Facebook update, wrote a blog post, left a comment, etc., that included a swear word. Maybe once or twice, but definitely not recently.

Am I being a prude? Am I wrong and that it really is okay to type ______ (fill in the blank with your favorite cuss word) from a personal account on a social media platform?

No it’s not.

For many/most of us, the lines of personal and professional life blur in social media. What you type and who you are online DOES reflect on your clients, your employer. Even if it’s not — it’s a reflection on you: That you can’t control your temper or you need to resort to swearing to get your point across.

And, if you’re a parent, how do you deal with your kids when it comes to swearing? Are there F-bombs, God D_ _ _s, $hits and other swear words dropped all over the house? Do your kids use it on their online networks — and you think it’s okay?

Granted, one can use swearing to be funny, and that’s generally understood when done.

But to use that language online (and yes, even verbally), it’s more a sign of immaturity than anything else.

And if you don’t like my $0.02 on the topic, guess you’re just SOL (Shoot! I’m out of luck, as I tell my kids.).

-Mike

*Two things here: If you don’t know what I’m talking about, do a Google search with some of the words in my sentence. Second, technically, I’m a contract employee but I essentially bleed pentastar blood.

1. Drunk Uncle

Incoherent, all day and night tweets are what you can expect from Drunk Uncle. Sure, he might spit out a gem of a blog post here and there, but it’s more likely that he will forget to do it or will publish a blog post filled with profanities or just a pathetic look at his obsessive porn-browsing history.

2. Itchy Mom

Don’t ask ItchyMom what she’s doing, because chances are she’ll send you an @ reply saying she’s “Scratchin’”. Itchy Mom spends most of her time at the dermatologist and free clinic, debating between blogging about chaffing, crabs, her recent Brazilian and yeast infections.

3. Absent Dad

Absent Dad will make sure he tells you all about his new life – the one where he forgot about his kids from the previous marriage and is now with his girlfriend in Florida (or California for my West coast friends). Absent Dad might make you wince at his Playboy lifestyle, but you’ll truly get sick when he winds up in the slammer for not paying child support. Another drawback? He might not blog or tweet or months or years at a time.

You'd be in a daze too if you were HeroinMom

4. Heroin Mom

We all know blogging doesn’t pay the bills and that being at home all day with the kids can be a real downer, so HeroinMom has to get creative. Her tweets include descriptive tales of her diarrhea, chills, runny nose, goosebumps, sweating, tears and insomnia.  Don’t mistake HeroinMom for your usual Web 2.0 addict, because she’s hard core: Who else would send her kid to school with small baggies of crank and a business card instructing teens to “hashtag it with #buythisshit”?

5. Crabby Daddy

Crabby Daddy isn’t necessarily cranky, nor was he born in July. Nope, Crabby Daddy is all about his personal hygiene and lack of bowel control, hence his ability to pick up and spread his tiny, itchy “friends” at every public toilet he encounters. Crabby Daddy might make you want to reconsider using public restrooms but he’ll win you over with his grooming tips, his blog conference sponsorships by Rid and his Ignatius J. Reilly-esque quirkiness.

Five quickies for you on a Saturday. What others do you think we’ll never see?

Those are just studies and research. Let me show you and prove to you why today’s dads are the real online power brokers. Back in May 2010, the Mom’s Rhapsody (below) — a parody of Queen’s classic Bohemian Rhapsody received a lot of play. As of this post, nearly 26,000 views on YouTube.

A month or so later, boom! Dads take the YouTube stage with a rap of the Dad Life (below). Nearly 1.9 million views as of this post…and it’s a rap! Not no classic rock ballad.

Just proves who has the real influence and power.

Word.

-Mike

When he’s not dreaming of being the king of his castle, Mike Driehorst, a PR & social media marketing professional, is happily married to his wife, Amy, and tries not to be the fifth child in their family. He needs to do more blogging not only here on Every Other Thursday, but also at Mike’s Points. If you don’t really care about blogs or don’t have much time, check Mike on Twitter.

Update your favorite car color in your status to raise awareness that it’s time to change the god damn oil on your favorite car before it’s too late. Go ahead. I’ll start it as a note on Facebook and will tag a few EOT dads. Become a Fan and we’ll tag you back. And make sure your wife gets her boobs checked – that shit is serious.

When people ask me why I use Facebook, I think back to what my life was like three years ago. Family members and co-workers aside, I probably communicated with 2 friends on a semi-regular basis. Occasionally one of those mile-long “I haven’t talked to you in a year, here’s what’s been happening in my life” e-mails would arrive from someone who had fallen outside my inner circle, and I would savor every single word as I read it. Responding to that e-mail was a different story since I would have to sit down and figure out when I last spoke to this person and which notable events had occurred in my life since then. Friendships are vitally important to me, but I had become a failure at staying in touch. I reached a point of acceptance that this is just the way things are once our busy lives get in the way.

Then Facebook arrived and slowly things began to change. Rather than writing epic e-mail blasts about what was going on in my life, I began to capture my own lifestream via photos, status updates and wall posts. I connected with people I hadn’t spoken with in years and got to know them again simply by following their streams and interacting. All of this is done in a zero-pressure environment where I can come and go as I please (no awkwardness trying to figure out how to end a phone conversation or an IM chat). Sounds like a great situation, right?

Alas, not everyone feels this way. There’s a subset of Facebook users who simply can never be happy with the social network. And even more sadly, I think it’s because they believe they’re better than Facebook. They have real relationships with people (implying that online correspondence is something less than real). They frown on those who have hundreds of Facebook friends because the majority of those relationships wouldn’t meet the dictionary definition of the term. They complain about the way Facebook works and are often unaware of basic settings that would allow them to remedy their problems. Seth Simonds gave a thoughtful explanation of his decision to leave Facebook, citing “drones that start each morning with a wall-plastering exercise of birthday cheer to random strangers”. Ouch. (Call me sentimental, but I’ll take any birthday greetings I can get!)

Here’s my message to the folks who are considering opting out: stop overanalyzing and start appreciating that you have a convenient, highly accessible, FREE way to keep in touch with your friends. Accept the reality of life that people move to faraway places, and relish the fact that you’re able to overcome the distance that separates you with something other than a plane ticket or a long car ride. Learn to use your privacy settings if there is information you’d like to share with only certain friends. If you get overwhelmed with all the people you’re connecting with, remove them from your feed or remove the friend relationship entirely. Why does it need to be all or nothing? Mark Zuckerberg has said and done some stupid things, but I’ve yet to see him mandate that you have to use Facebook any certain way. Don’t give up without at least trying to make it work for you. Facebook is far from perfect, but it’s a heck of a lot better than no Facebook at all.

Carrie Prejean - not so psyched now

If you’re not up on celebrity gossip, recall that Prejean made headlines after claiming that she was robbed of the Miss USA title because of  her response to a question by judge Perez Hilton about her stand on gay marriage. (Prejean said she objected to it because of her religious beliefs.) The controversy made her an icon for those supporting California’s Proposition 8 banning gay marriage and, indeed, for the whole conservative movement.

More recently, however, things have taken a turn to the dark side. She was stripped of her Miss California title because of what pageant organizers said was a breach of contract (she was skipping public appearances). She then became embroiled in a bitter lawsuit with said organizers over payment for breast implants. (*Sigh*) That suit was quickly dropped after pageant organizers allegedly presented Prejean and her mother (!!) with a copy of what’s described as a “solo” X-rated video recording that an 18 year old Prejean made for her then boyfriend.  Prejean has admitted making that tape and called it the “biggest mistake of my life.” A standard issue media scrum ensued, nonetheless, including a testy appearance on Larry King Live in which Prejean refused to answer questions about the tape and nearly walked off the air. Today brings news that, actually, there may be more than one tape, as well as some racy photos of Prejean, who is being pursued by Vivid Entertainment, a XXX video company that has released tapes of a slew of immodest celebrities.  ”The footage we saw is a series of very graphic and hot clips,” Vivid co-chairman Steven Hirsch is quoted as saying. Vivid is offering her $1 million for the rights to the film.

To paraphrase Mr. Rock: “they don’t grade life decisions, but if you have the chairman of an adult video company telling you that you’ve got some hot clips and that he wants to do business, you f***ed up.” But the whole Prejean scandal raises a much larger question for moms and dads alike, which is about how and why a young Carrie Prejean found her way to recording and releasing compromising videos of herself in the first place? I think its safe to say that Carrie isn’t alone out there. Teen idols from Disney superstar Miley Cyrus on down have found out the hard way that sexy photos, sent to an intimate, or thrown out to the world via Facebook and Twitter, have a way of  biting you on the a** – presenting an image of yourself to the public that you might not like or wished to have presented.Circumstances are pushing the issue of teens, technology and exhibitionism on the front burner for parents, also. Take the recent intense media coverage of students “sexting” (sending illicit photos of themselves via mobile phone). That phenomenon is a perfect encapsulation of the way that adolescent impulsiveness and peer pressure are combining with easy access to cameras and the Internet, making  it easier than ever to make a really stupid decision.   The fact that prosecutors are, in some jurisdictions, pursuing legal action against distributors and recipients of these images makes the  ramifications of those stupid decisions even greater. I can’t tell you how many conversations I’ve had with parents who are deeply concerned about what kinds of stuff their kids are posting online about themselves on Facebook and other networks.

What can parents do? If you have teens, pre-teens and young adults, you absolutely need to talk early and often about the new Birds and the Bees. As ever, a solid understanding of their bodies is indispensable. Adolescents need the facts about sexual reproduction, pregnancy prevention and physical and emotional health – certainly from their parents and hopefully from their school, as well. But there also needs to be a frank discussion about mushier “Sex 2.0″ issues. What are some? How about what to say (and what not not to say) in discussions over e-mail, instant message or SMS? Those messages can easily be stored and forwarded by a callous friend or partner or a spurned lover who may share details about you, your family or your relationship that you don’t want shared. There also needs to be clear guidelines about how to avoid putting yourself in positions like the one Ms. Prejean finds herself in. Parents, including me, blanch at even the concept of illicit images of their kids circulating on the Internet, but spelling out the consequences of an impromptu cell phone photo shoot with your kids and setting a “no pictures, no way” policy is probably smart business. Social networks like Facebook and Twitter are yet another area where parents need to familiarize themselves with the technology and not be afraid to lay down some guidelines. Teens should be wary of predators that use these networks, of course, but also show good (informed) judgement about what kinds of photos and statements they post, how those might reflect on them to people who don’t know them well, and how stuff you post on social networks belongs to the social networks — not to you. Goofy photos from you skinny dipping at that house party might seem cool now, but not so when you’re  30 years old and up for a job at a prestigious law firm or bank. Nuff said.

Look:
The handsome one is Capaneus. Through him
the lightning went. A man of means, he never
flaunted his wealth but kept an attitude
no prouder than a poor man’s. He avoided
people who live beyond their needs and load
their table to excess. He used to say
the good does not consist in belly food,
and satisfaction comes from moderation.
He was true in friendship to present and absent friends.
Not many men are so. His character
was never false; his ways were courteous;
his word, in house or city, was his bond.

The article, from yesterday’s Journal, “When Old Flames beckon on Facebook,” is just the latest from Bernstein, who seems to have a love-hate relationship with everybody’s favorite social network. That is: she hates Facebook and everything it represents, but  loves all the great and click-happy story ideas that are flowing from it, like August’s “How Facebook Ruins Friendships,” or September’s “The Helicopter Parents are hovering on Facebook.”

As with those pieces, the “old flames” piece follows a familiar logic: social networks like Facebook and MySpace have empowered individuals in ways that are causing all kinds of social dissonance — nuisance status posts, intrusive parenting and, now, unsolicited queries from ex lovers. The thesis here is the same, also: all this stuff is healthy and even constructive, up to an ill defined point, after which its unhealthy and destructive. Good luck out there!

In the meantime, Bernstein points out, Facebooking old flames carries a host of risks: your ex may be “transformed” by the intervening years in ways that are unsettling. Even worse: they may still harbor hurt feelings or just be uninterested in mixing up their past (aka “you”) with their present.  The illustration accompanying her article depicts the spectre of a tux clad beau, prom ready, floating out of a computer monitor as a startled looking mom dishes out mashed potatoes to her adoring husband and kids. I think that just about captures it.

Even before MySpace, Facebook and LinkedIn came about, I went out of my way to stay in touch with friends from my childhood, from high school and other periods of my life: college, graduate school, work. Snail mail, then e-mails usually sufficed to keep tabs on what everyone was up to – friends and exes alike. Facebooking just makes all that much easier. As to the ethics of it, I think this is the kind of thing about which reasonable spouses..err…people can disagree. My wife of 13 years (and Facebook buddy) has a big network of friends from her home town, college, grad school and work on Facebook. When I ask whether she has any ex boyfriends in the mix, she adopts a kind of repulsed, gagging expression that might involuntarily wash across your face when you pick a moldy, semi-liquidified piece of organic matter out of the bottom of the vegetable bin.  But I think connecting with exes as a product of the same impulse that prompts us to reach out to other friends, rather than Bernstein’s chief culprits: morbid curiosity, a desire for forgiveness (or vindication) or lonely dissatisfaction with our current lot. I have around 400 Facebook friends. I’ve “dated” (loosely defined) just over 3 percent of them, by my calculation. In some cases, they reached out to friend me, in others I reached out to friend them. In a few cases, the Facebook relationship is just a companion to a healthy real-world relationship that managed to survive the intervening years before Mr. Zuckerberg’s Marvelous Network came along. Facebook has provided a wonderful means of keeping in touch, and I certainly don’t see it as a lurking threat to my marriage. Bernstein’s disapproving words aside, grown-ups know that “you can’t go home again,” to borrow a phrase from Thomas Wolfe — or, at least, that “you can’t go out again.” Nor is it clear that we’d want to even if we could.

As for the WSJ’s suggestion for ground rules when contacting exes –they strike me as rather batty. Look but don’t touch drive bys of ex flames profiles? Seems like proto-stalker behavior to me. Limiting online “friends” to people of the same sex? Please.  Then there’s Bernstein’s idea of sharing your social networking password with your spouse. (“You share your online banking password, so what’s the difference?”) Beyond the fact that there may be information you don’t want to share with your spouse that isn’t prurient. (Facebook was invaluable when I was planning a surprise 40th birthday party for my wife.), I’m not really sure how inviting one’s spouse to be an editor of your social network helps either party. If the level of trust is really that low in your marriage, shouldn’t you be having a talk — face to face, rather than crawling over each others Facebook account looking for evidence of betrayal? If your partner is really bent on having an affair, would your having access to their social network account really be much of an obstacle to them carrying it out? After all, married people have managed to carry them off for thousands of years before Facebook came along, right?  My 2c.

Photo Credit: Flickr user ecpica

We live in a business climate where burning the mid-night oil is expected, which can be perceived as an attribute of success. The other edge of the sword dictates that we dads need to be home at a decent time in order to chill out with the kids(and not just for the hour before they go to bed). This is the age-old battle of the work-life balance.

Add in social media to the mix and you’re creating the perfect storm of time-suckage, i.e. 16 hour days filled of work, family and social media responsibilities — both for work and pleasure.

As a PR professional that helps companies develop social media strategies, I live all day in Twitter, Facebook, Vimeo, Brightkite, Blip.fm, etc. My social media bookmarks are ridiculous (a post for another day).  I’m in the office between 7-7:30am EST and out between 5-6pm. My night usually consists of dinner with the family, reading books to the kids, Twittering, blogging, editing photos, posting videos, clearing out my reader, etc. Basically, my social media “stuff” never ends, as is the case with work and my responsibilities as a dad.

Sometimes I think about how the heck we dads manage work, life and our addiction to social media while remaining sane. Is the latter really that  important? Will Twitter miss me if I take the time to read an extra book to the kids? Do I really have time to write a few blog posts for the week? Do I really need to be checking email at 11:30pm? Isn’t it more important to be a punching bag for the rug rats rather than clicking “like” on a few viral videos on Facebook?

I’d say yes, but there is a balance and it’s in the fusion of your social media addictions and the responsibilities you have as a dad. You see, we dads are the archivers of the family. We shoot tons of video, take tons of pics and catalog our journey as providers on blogs. We tend to share our work with family and friends. Why not share them with your extended family on the social web? Why not leverage your network to learn more about video editing and photoshop to enhance all the memories you are creating? Test out your creative ideas with other dads and get feedback. At the end of the day, all your hard work will pay off. The life-socialnet fusion will be beneficial to your kids. So the message here is, yes, we’re all working hard and it’s difficult to juggle sometimes. Just suck it up and get ‘er done.

Just think, when you’re old, unable to drink a beer without wetting your depends or dropping your dentures into the glass, your kids will be firing up the blue-ray watching all your hard work and wondering how the hell you pulled it off.

Bonus: Here’s a little shameless plug of one of my most recent videos…

Apple Picking ’09 from Don Martelli on Vimeo.

Follow Don on Twitter @bigguyd or email him at don@everyotherthursday.com. If you’re a Yankee or Giants fan, however, don’t bother.