When you hit 40, you tend to look at your life and make a quick assessment. If it’s truly the halfway mark of your life, it makes sense to take stock and evaluate how you’re doing.
It’s my guess the term “mid-life crisis” emerged from the salient moment when men take stock in their lives and realize they’re way off from where they wanted to be. Whether it’s with their relationships, their career, financial situation or role as a father, it’s a time when people naturally reflect on what was, what was supposed to be and what really is.
I turned 42 last month and it has been on my mind a lot lately. I don’t mind admitting that at all. I’m not in a mid-life crisis per se, but I am taking an accounting of where I am so far and grading myself out. Why? I am not sure but it’s happening whether I want it to or not.
Naturally, people tend to compare themselves to others when judging their own lives. I tend not to do this, most of the time. Everyone’s path is different and comparing yourself to someone else is futile. They haven’t had your challenges, your advantages or your disadvantages. Many men get caught in this trap and it’s exactly that – a trap.
In assessing my own life until this point, I’m overall very happy with how things have gone. Are there things I would have done differently if given the opportunity? Of course. Then again, would I be who I am today if I hadn’t had made poor choices or shown a lack of judgment at times?
I once read a quote the most expensive thing in life is regret. If you have many regrets, those weigh on you and impede your progress. Yet, I do have some. I’m doing my best to make them “ex-regrets” and instead look upon them as learning opportunities that make me a better man today. It’s hard sometimes but I challenge you to do the same.
At this point in my life, my biggest revelation is that I have so much more to do. I have so much more that I want to be as a man, husband and father. I also realize I have lots of work to do if I want to get there. We don’t know how man years we have here in this world so I need to get cracking at it.
I like to fancy myself a good father. Despite this, I know I can be better. And as every coach I’ve ever had, or have been around, has said: you can’t get better unless you know you need to get better.
Being a father for the fifth time this year again exposes to me where I can be better. I know I can be a better role model and leader for my kids. I’ve known that for a while. What I want to use 2012 for is to ensure I start doing what it takes to get me there. At this mid-point of my life, I now realize I can’t put many things off anymore. The clock is ticking and there is so much I’d like to do.
On the flip side, it’s also time to reflect on what I’ve done well as a father. I’m proud of those things and what I’ve been able to accomplish personally and professionally. You can’t get lost in where you can improve without first understanding what it is you do well. Make sure you take time to do that
If you’re approaching or near that mid-life part of your life, take stock and act now. You can accomplish many things in a short period of time if you want to. Move past regret and disappointment and focus on what you can control today.
Your wife, your kids and your soul will be better for it.
