If I say “Black and yellow”, you know what pro football team I’m talking about. “Maize and blue” has the same distinct notoriety in college football. That’s right, there are classic colors, logos and uniforms that you just can’t find fault with among the major sports. For some sports, like hockey and pro basketball, changing uniforms has become something of a regular thing.

It started with “alternate” jerseys. Teams would create a “third” jersey that they could wear for whatever reason and of course, sell, to fans. Once the NBA started this trend, the notion of making over uniforms became common place. Jordan wore black and it was one of the coolest looks we’d seen. Even my beloved hometown Pistons caught a bug of early 90′s MC Hammer meets Charlotte Hornets rhinestone caps to create horrendous, pissed off-looking, knight chess piece uniforms, and at this point the ball started rolling. NBA teams started changing up their uniforms left and right, followed by the NHL, and before you know it an entire industry just figured out a way to get another $100 out of your pocket.

And you know what? That’s okay. I don’t mind a bad team changing up their uniforms to ditch a sad past. And I do think it’s OK to make tweaks as long as it’s paying homage to the past, as the MLB does to honor the Negro League teams. And finally, the NFL, whose teams rarely change their uniforms, caught on with some sweet looking throwbacks:

And more sweet throwbacks…

And some ill-advised “everyone should have a black uniform!” fad:

Al Davis called, he wants his schtick back.

 

And more…

There's nothing to celebrate with these ugly-ass uniforms

And then came Nike Pro Combat.

Boise state rocked Georgia and these white uniforms on Saturday night

At first I was cool with it. In fact, they changed up a lot of the stale looks that some teams had when they most likely weren’t working with a world class design team when they came up with putting a large block “G” on the helmet of the Packers, which was copied by the Georgia Bulldogs and Grambling State Tigers, so it’s refreshing to see some of the “classics” updated, even if it was a hoax. But tonight, all hell broke loose.

 

It looks more like amoeba, steaks, ringworm or a topographical map than a turtle.

Yes, that is a freaking turtle shell on a helmet and they wore it during pre-game. Even worse?

I seriously don't even know which half of this team to fucking root for.

This was their “game time” uniform and helmet — the Maryland state flag on each side of the University of Maryland Terrapin football uniform, matched only by shoes that had both the black and yellow checkers and red and white cross on them. But this mess of a production doesn’t end there. No, it goes 32 uniforms deep. You read that right – UnderArmour produced 32 uniforms for Maryland this season. Mind you, the team will only play 12 or so games, but they have thirty two freaking combinations they can wear this year.

It’s out of control, and I for one would like to see it stop before we end up seeing more interpretations of uniforms that look like something Gaga would wear than a sports uniform. What do you think?

Hi! I'm future USC grad Brian Jenkins about to take the field for the Las Vegas Elephants!

 

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