For years we’ve all heard the jokes about trophy wives for years, wherein an older gentleman marries a much younger, more attractive woman as a status symbol. Given that there are more women working than men and that the recent census states more women have college degrees than men, it sounds like even more role reversal will be taking place. And I for one welcome it. Here are five reasons why I’m embracing the trend and will make a great trophy husband.
Reason #1: I look good in a bathing suit
Yes, it’s true. I have been staying in shape and not only have the same waist line that I did in high school, but I’ve also been fortunate to retain my muscle mass. As one male friend put it after seeing me poolside, “Holy crap dude, I thought you were just some internet nerd but — You’re a beefcake!”.
Reason #2: I’m not bald
If health is the new wealth, then being healthy with a full head of hair in your late 30′s like having a fucking Lamboroghini full of million dollar bills that spits out diamonds from the exhaust pipe. Let’s be frank: Women will say they don’t mind that you’re bald, guys – just like they’ll tell you “size doesn’t matter“. It does, and only women married to guys with small penises say that shit. So unless you’re rocking the Vin Diesel bald head, have the body and cash to match, and are packing 14″, it’s a proven fact that women prefer men with hair on their heads.
Reason #3: I have giant hands
This photo speaks for itself. I can clearly carry a lot of hangers. Pervert.
Reason #4: I enjoy grocery shopping
Sounds crazy, I know. But having worked as a stock boy in high school and being a label-checker, I know my way around the grocery store pretty well. In fact, I actually feel good knowing that I’m stocking up on fruits and veggies and not dumping high fructose corn syrup down my family’s throats. Bonus reason: I know the proper way to bag groceries.
Reason #5: I match my belt and shoes
Again, this sounds crazy but when you wear a size 16 shoe it’s not every day you run into a pair on the rack at a store. So, whenever I get the opportunity I stock up, because you never know. Uggs, All-Stars, Cole Haan, Simple, Steve Madden, Kenneth Cole, Nike – the list goes on and on. And, I have a belt for just about every pair - so you won’t have a hunky guy on your arm with mismatched accessories.
Mind you that I’m a happily married man. However, with my wife going to work and a recent announcement that allows me more time at home, it’s always good to plan ahead. 
