[wp_connect_like_button href="http://www.everyotherthursday.com/2011/07/how-friends-grow-distant-after-a-new-baby/" send_button="enabled" layout="standard" width="600" show_faces="enabled" verb="like" colorscheme="light" font="arial" ref="" /]Driving on the way in to the office today, I began to think about some of the changes my family and I have gone through since our move to the Midwest just about a year ago. We’ve met some amazing new friends and the kids have adapted so well, I now have no qualms about ever moving again. They simply make the best of any situation their in.

On thing that has become more clear is how your social life – after you have kids – is forever altered and changed by having kids. Even those folks you meet up and socialize with that have older kids, aren’t as interested in hanging out if your kids are younger.

This is in no way a criticism of those folks, they’re all good people. But it’s clear that once you’ve raised your kids, and you don’t have a baby in the house, your interest in being around them wanes as well.

We’re about to have our fifth child in September. Boy #4, as we call him right now, will again catapult us back to the infant stage. Having a wide range aged children – my oldest is 14 my youngest is one – means you don’t quite fit in with everyone. Our older kids and their parents are now free of the issues and restrictions having a younger child brings. Dinner parties later into the night are common for them, but when you have a baby it’s hard to say yes to those invitations. Those parents are the folks we love to hang around, but once they’ve hung out with the entire Gulbransen clan, you have to think the invites get more limited. I understand the sentiment. You want to relax and socialize, not watch a baby tear up your yard or bathroom.

This, of course, makes it hard for my wife and I to really develop deeper and closer bonds with new and old friends. They’ve moved on to another point in their life and most aren’t tempted to go back on your account. It limits our adult interactions and sometimes that can be a drag.

Yet despite this, and an occasional tinge of “what if,” I don’t regret having a large family (by today’s standards) nor what we’re missing out on. Eventually, we’ll have that. We’ll be older and grayer, but the wealth of love and the bonds developed within our family more than make up for it.

If you have friends you don’t see very often because of this reason, don’t feel guilty. Instead, invite them over one or two more times a year. Believe me, they’ll appreciate it more than you know.