Every couple fights. Sometimes the fights get ugly. Mean things are said. Maybe a door slams. Maybe an object gets hurtled across the room. It happens. Marriage is not for the weak, and only the strong relationships survive. In fact, I believe, the make-ups make the marriage stronger (and I’m not even hinting at the sex – not even a little).
But what happens when that fight leaves the living room or the bedroom via Twitter or Facebook? How are that couple’s followers and friends supposed to take it? How do they react? And does it leave behind any lasting effect?
This is something I have thought about in the past. I have turned to both Facebook and Twitter to express my feelings about my wife. It usually is mild gripe stuff, but once in a while I post something a little more visceral than I should. Usually, those get ignored. Occasionally, a friend leaves somthing pithy like, “My wife also loves it when I question her parenting on Facebook.” My wife will also post her feelings about our little spats, too. And we leave the big stuff off our walls. It’s sort of an unwritten rule in our house.
That’s not the case for everyone. Aaron Gouveia, a guy I admire very much, and someone I shared a newsroom with briefly, recently tweeted his feelings about his wife in the heat of an argument. I won’t repeat his tweet here without his permission, but it is in his Twitter stream on @Daddyfiles. He made a very strong statement. I read it in real time, and was shocked. And knowing Aaron, I knew something was really wrong. He loves his wife more than life itself. He’s her biggest cheerleader, and he has supported her through some extremely difficult experiences, which he chronicled on his blog, Daddyfiles. A few minutes later, he tweeted that the argument was resolved and he apologized to his wife.
In the days that passed, Aaron came under attack by several people who were furious with him and his tweet. Many decided to unfollow him, and they attacked him on their way out. In the midst of the furor, came Audrey Binkowski, known as @laughmom, who said It was important for Aaron to consider his audience when tweeting because negative tweets could hurt his brand. She was talking specifically about a situation with another blogger whose idea was stolen by a brand. Audrey has a point. Aaron agreed with her in principle, but won’t change a thing.He will continue to chronicle his life on Twitter – happy or sad.
Audrey is right. Aaron is right. I wouldn’t censor myself for fear of losing sponsorships or paid gigs. I don’t get any anyway. But that could change, and if it did, I would have to consider my posts to all social networks and blogs very carefully. The ranting looney doesn’t usually take home the gravy.
If you take the balance of Aaron’s tweets together, he usually is only looney about hating New York teams. He loves his wife. He idolizes his son. He worships his dad. He admires his brother. He is grateful to his mother. He makes friends easily, and he is influential. So, the occasional visceral tweet can be forgiven.The haters will hate. The people who want to live in a world of sunshine and lollipops will chastise anyone who infringes on that. The senators of the Nanny State will always be out there policing what people say and do.
He owes nobody on Twitter an apology. He still has thousands of followers; thousands of supporters. His tweets carry weight, and clearly the response to his tweet about his wife is a example of that influence. But there is a lesson in this for Aaron and all dad bloggers: Your tweets do matter. They do get read. When you’ve built an audience of followers – sympathizers and admirers – you do have to remember that people will get pissed off at you for what you write wherever it is printed. How you handle it is what matters. Aaron doesn’t apologize, except to his wife. That’s all that matters to him. That’s all that should matter to anybody.
