One of the things I’ve noticed is that there are online personas for people that clearly define themselves as a certain type of Mom or Dad. My friend Elizabeth calls herself “Busymom“, shedding some light on the daily ins and outs of what it’s like to run a hectic household. EOT’s own Curtis Silver is part of Wired’s “GeekDad” blog, where he talks about technology and being a Dad that has grown up with everything from Atari to iPad and everything in between. Even my wife, whose blog is a funny insight into our family life, goes by the surname of “Laugh, Mom“. There’s literally an entire list of every type of Mom or Dad or Auntie you can think of: Crazed, Bored, Scary, Savvy, Poor, Rich, Gay, Straight, Skinny, Curvy, Tall, Country, City and even NuckingFuts. While those names are all clever, I thought it’d be fun to go a different direction with it by creating a few phony personas that I’m offering up for grabs; Somehow I doubt they’ll be taken.

1. Drunk Uncle

Incoherent, all day and night tweets are what you can expect from Drunk Uncle. Sure, he might spit out a gem of a blog post here and there, but it’s more likely that he will forget to do it or will publish a blog post filled with profanities or just a pathetic look at his obsessive porn-browsing history.

2. Itchy Mom

Don’t ask ItchyMom what she’s doing, because chances are she’ll send you an @ reply saying she’s “Scratchin’”. Itchy Mom spends most of her time at the dermatologist and free clinic, debating between blogging about chaffing, crabs, her recent Brazilian and yeast infections.

3. Absent Dad

Absent Dad will make sure he tells you all about his new life – the one where he forgot about his kids from the previous marriage and is now with his girlfriend in Florida (or California for my West coast friends). Absent Dad might make you wince at his Playboy lifestyle, but you’ll truly get sick when he winds up in the slammer for not paying child support. Another drawback? He might not blog or tweet or months or years at a time.

You'd be in a daze too if you were HeroinMom

4. Heroin Mom

We all know blogging doesn’t pay the bills and that being at home all day with the kids can be a real downer, so HeroinMom has to get creative. Her tweets include descriptive tales of her diarrhea, chills, runny nose, goosebumps, sweating, tears and insomnia.  Don’t mistake HeroinMom for your usual Web 2.0 addict, because she’s hard core: Who else would send her kid to school with small baggies of crank and a business card instructing teens to “hashtag it with #buythisshit”?

5. Crabby Daddy

Crabby Daddy isn’t necessarily cranky, nor was he born in July. Nope, Crabby Daddy is all about his personal hygiene and lack of bowel control, hence his ability to pick up and spread his tiny, itchy “friends” at every public toilet he encounters. Crabby Daddy might make you want to reconsider using public restrooms but he’ll win you over with his grooming tips, his blog conference sponsorships by Rid and his Ignatius J. Reilly-esque quirkiness.

Five quickies for you on a Saturday. What others do you think we’ll never see?

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