Are you the type of parent that screams and yells at the kids when things get out of control? After the kids have been bickering all day do you let loose with a raised-voice assault on those ungrateful brats?
If so, welcome to the club.
In an informal poll I conducted on Twitter, 4 parents responded that at least one of them yells at their kids. In fact, @samanthamcgarry on Twitter said: “At least once a day, if not more.”
I know how that is.
I am the son of screaming parents and I too am a screamer. I don’t think it’s quite like being predisposed to alcoholism or cancer, but screaming parents usually lead their kids to be screaming parents. Now don’t get the wrong idea, I don’t scream obscenities or insults at my kids. But when I lose my temper, I definitely yell.
That brings me to my problem. I don’t want to be a screamer.
For me, I think the screaming is basically frustration. The same goes for my wife. When you don’t have parents or family that can help watch your kids so you can get away for a weekend every so often, I think you just find outlets you can use. For us, it’s using our lungs when we get pissed.
In 14 years of marriage, my wife and I have spent time together alone and away from home once. That was seven years ago. That is no badge of courage. It’s crazy and I am not proud of it.
Because we’ve been with these little buggers non-stop that entire time, I don’t think we ever get to truly unwind. We never get to relax enough where all of the stress and frustration subside enough to allow us to just chill.
Lately, I have been getting uncomfortable with the amount of time we are raising our voice at the kids. Partly its our own frustration, mixed with kids who just need to be raised the right way. You have to correct your kids but the way you do it makes a big difference.
What I’ve come to learn is you don’t have to rant or rave to make a strong point to your kids. They can get a serious and important message using a regular tone of voice. That includes even when you want them to know you’re not happy with them or just flat-out angry. My kids are learning to shut-out the raving and if we want to reach them, we’re going to have to take a different approach.
I am not a new age, touch-feely parent. Kids need to learn important lessons from their parents and they won’t learn them by a parent being their “friend.” Kids need discipline and boundaries set for them. That’s what I do and now I need to start figuring out how to do it without screaming at the top of my lungs when they do something stupid.
Even I am tired of my wife and I raising our voice. We just need to stop.
We also need about a week in Hawaii alone.
Well, at least the former is something I control.
Follow Scott on Twitter @sdgully or email him at scott@scottgulbransen.com. His personal blog, where he writes about leadership, public relations and social media, is www.scottgulbransen.com. Scott also contributes to the Shamable Blog, The Friarhood, and is the Sr. Director of Global Public Relations for Sony Online Entertainment.
