Anyone can be a father, but it takes someone special to be a dad. That saying is on coffee mugs, shirts, Fathers Day cards, and more. It basically spells out the difference between being an accidental sperm donor and a present and positive male influence in your biological children’s lives. Growing with just a father and not a true dad, I know the difference well. My father was a good man, but a bitter divorce and immaturity pushed him away. Sadly, he died when I was 13, or just about old enough to really start to understand why my folks weren’t together.
He loved me, this I know, but distance and ill-feelings between adults kept him away. Years later, I made my piece with it. To this day, though, it bothers me still to see fathers – whether married or not – who refuse to be present in their children’s lives.
Now comes a new reality “drama” aimed at getting a few of these potential Darwin Award-winners to sack-up and be dads. VH1 Dad Camp airs its first episode on May 31 at 10:30 p.m. EDT. VH1, formerly known as the “adult contemporary” version of MTV, has teamed with the National Fatherhood Leaders Group to bring in psychologist Jeff Gadere to work with six fathers and their pregnant girlfriends to attempt to get them to be “dads” by the series’ end.
Whether this show has the mettle to bring other real-life sperm donors to “fatherhood” is a question that will only be answered with time. But what it will most likely achieve is shining a light on the reality that being a dad means something more than showing up when it’s convenient – you know after late-night feedings and diaper changes, after the umpteenth illness punctuated by projectile vomiting, and after potty training. Being a dad means being there for those times, and for the times in between and later. It means seeing your children every day. It means telling them you love them. It means disciplining them and teaching them to learn from their own mistakes.
Just as important, and not to be overlooked, it means being there for the mom. Not every relationship that involves a child is going to work out. I lived this reality. But responsibility for your children doesn’t end when the love fades. It never ends. Share the burden of raising the child, and make it easy on the moms, because no matter what, every single-mom is doing the work of two parents at all times. Be kind, and be respectful of her time and priorities.
It takes work, but every father can earn the title “dad”.
