Pheobe Prince, a victim of bullying
The case of Phoebe Prince is well documented in the regional, Boston media and in fact, has been spattered in some national news outlets as well. For those of you who don’t know about Phoebe Prince’s case, she’s the young teenager who, after being taunting and bullied for a quite some time, committed suicide by hanging herself in her home, only to be found by her 12-year-old younger sister.
Prince’s case is very sad. There are stories of “Mean Girls” calling her derogatory names, throwing things at her and doing all of the horrible things kids can do to each other.
Prince’s case got me thinking about the role as a parent when it comes to bullying.I have two girls, 6 and 3. I hope that I raise them to the point where they know that they can talk to me no matter what is on their mind. I also hope that they will treat people with respect, even if they might not like a particular person.
Now, I also hope that I raise strong, opinionated women that when they are challenged or threatened, that they will stick up for themselves or go to the appropriate adult to get the situation addressed, i.e. teacher, parent, etc.
With all that said, I also hope that I raise my kids in such a way that it’s ok to stick up for yourself. People that pick on you are trying to draw attention to others because they want the spotlight. They think it’s funny. Well, it isn’t funny any longer when you’re standing nose to nose and you give that person a quick zip to the jaw.
By no means am I promoting violence with kids. In fact, I’m against it. If all the appropriate tactics fail, sometimes you need to draw a line in the sand and get at it.
The other issue at hand is the role of parents when it comes to bullying.
Parents need to be on the ball. They need to know who their kids are hanging out with; what their mannerisms are; when they are acting “off; and, when they need help.
Parents have instincts and they need to follow them. Yes, your kid might hate you for bugging the crap out of them, but you have to try and get through to them. I know that’s easier said than done considering that I have just have to young daughters. However, my parents were always involved in every aspect of my life — whether I liked it or not. Anytime I was in a jam, they always had the answers for me or always helped me work things out.
I feel for the Prince family. This was an avoidable incident. I know that kids will be kids, but parents, teachers, friends and supporting adults have to be cognizant of the tell tale signs that a kid is in distress.
These bullying incidents should never happen. Period.
What's worse is when parents are involved in it or contribute to bullying through their behaviors. I hear stories about parents getting in fights in town and thus segregating the town. This “With me or against me” crap trickles down to the kids everyday activities – “Don't hang out with that girl”, “You can't have play dates with him” and “We don't talk to them anymore”. There are adults that get wrapped up in their own petty life, fights, and even blog, to the detriment of so many people around them. I hope the parents of the bullying kids are charged with negligence as well. There is no excuse for this sort of outcome, especially when it comes as a result of the bad behavior other kids.
I'm going to have to disagree with Dave. Being an asshole should not be illegal. It's horribly unfortunate that the system failed this young girl in so many ways, but sometimes bad stuff happens to good people. I understand the desire to blame somebody when a totally unnecessary death occurs, and it may be after investigation that there is criminal wrongdoing involved, but being an ass doesn't rise to the level of criminal culpability.
Good point Chris. If being an ass would get you thrown in the slammer, then Dave would be there for life. Kidding…
You both make valid points.
I think it goes beyond being an asshole, though. Being an asshole is not giving the kid you don't like the same candy as everyone else on Halloween. Being a negligent parent is creating and fueling the situation where a child – a child – is being harmed, shunned or downright ridiculed. It's irresponsible parenting at the very least.
There are parents, through how they raise their children, encourage behavior. It goes beyond the “asshole” down the street. Just like many things, children learn the most from their parents.
That's not to say there are good parents who have bad kids sometimes. The bullying behavior is born out of something that needs to be addressed. But I do find that in today's society, parents often cover their ears, close their eyes and shut their mouths about things their children do that goes beyond what they should. Many parents – I know some of them – refuse to believe their child could ever do anything wrong.
We live in a time when many parents consistently make excuses for their kids bad behavior by saying: “That's just how they are,” or “they aren't academic” to explain why their kid can't keep up in school. Instead of being honest with themselves and just tackling the challenges all of our kids face, they ignore it and pretend it's not a problem at all.
Bottom line: know your kids and their strengths, weaknesses and address them before they affect other people.
This was a sad story..heart is heavy for her family