This is a special week at my 3 year-old daughter Abby’s preschool. It’s known as “The Week of the Special Man”, a chance for dads to join their kids in the classrooms and spend some quality time with their classmates and teachers. I had an important work call in the morning and wasn’t sure if or when I’d be arriving, so we didn’t mention anything to Abby at breakfast that morning. As far as she knew, it was going to be just another school day.
Abby makes a strategic headband adjustment
Abby & I have a great relationship, but she’s definitely a mommy’s girl. Things were different with my 5 year-old Molly. When Molly arrived she immediately took center stage, kicking our dog Brisco to the side and commanding 100% of my focus. Together we experienced many firsts: my first attempt at changing a diaper; the first time my wife Katie headed to work and left me (gasp!) alone with the baby; my many failed attempts to give her breast milk via a bottle when Katie wasn’t around; etc., etc. As she grew into a toddler, she became my little buddy. I’ll never forget the night we spent at home together when Katie was still at the hospital after delivering Abby. Molly & I went swimming and made tacos for dinner, and when I tucked her in that night I just knew that things would never be the same. The next morning we’d head to the hospital to bring her new baby sister home. For 2.5 years she’d been the only little girl in my world, and as of the next day she’d be sharing that space with Abby. Not that this was a bad thing. I just knew it would be different.
Abby has been an extension of her mom from the moment she arrived. I sensed this immediately in the delivery room when I held her for the first time and she started crying. She just naturally gravitates to her mom, often wandering the house asking “Where’s Mommy??”, opting to sit on Katie’s lap during meals (even now!), and requesting that her mom be the one to read her stories and put her to bed at night. I often joke with Katie that perhaps she should chew Abby’s food for her and spit it into her mouth like a mother bird, and frankly I don’t think Abby would mind this! Katie comforts me by saying that Abby constantly asks for me when I’m away from the house. Abby comforts me by saying “I want YOU to put me to bed when Mommy’s at work, Daddy” (gee thanks for choosing me over Brisco, Abby!). But I know the truth, and I also understand that it doesn’t mean she loves me any less.
A slight underestimation on my age, but otherwise she did OK
Several weeks ago Katie got held up with a meeting and asked if I would go pick up Abby on relatively short notice. When I walked through the classroom door, her big smile quickly faded to a frown: “Where’s Mommy? I wanted Mommy to pick me up!”. That was the memory I carried with me as I walked back into school yesterday. Would this be another case where she was upset that the “wrong” parent had arrived? I cautiously knocked on the door and walked in, hoping for the best.
The class was assembled in a circle playing a game where each child was asked to erase a different object on a whiteboard. I immediately noticed Abby on the outer edge of the circle, looking in a different direction. One of her teachers said “look who’s here Abby!” and she turned. The moment of truth! She made eye contact with me and her face lit up: “Daddddyyy!!!”. She immediately ran over to give me a hug and insisted on sitting in my lap for the remainder of the session. From there I got to experience a couple other rituals of her day:
- The lineup to go wash hands before snack- this was cool because I learned a couple new pirate songs.
- Snacktime! In a slightly awkward situation, Abby decided she’d rather sit between two of her friends. This left me sitting at the end of the table between 2 little girls, in a chair that was roughly 6 inches high. I reverted to cracking jokes and won them over with the silly things I said to the animal crackers before I ate them (“It’s judgment day, Mr. Hippopotamus!”). Now I know how Billy Madison felt.
- Another lineup, this time for outdoor playtime! Abby paraded me around like a prop and had me play all her favorite roles in a variety of princess games (“mean witch” is her personal favorite). One of her classmates tried to steal me away a couple times once she recognized my incredible versatility as an actor, but Abby quickly came to my rescue.
As we walked to the car together after school, I reflected on all the qualities I love about my Abby: her fierce independence; her willingness to walk up and introduce herself to anyone with a loud “what’s your name??”; her preference to be wearing dresses and princess clothing at all times; her ability to get away with saying just about anything due to her cute little way of delivering the message. We’re accustomed to being with our kids at home, but seeing them interact in school, sports, and other activities provides a whole new perspective on how quickly they’re growing up. My time with Abby that morning confirmed that I do play a special role in her life, even if her mommy tends to be the first choice.
Since I was savoring my own time in Abby’s spotlight, I decided to propose that we continue the special morning together. “Abby”, I said as I strapped her into the car seat, “I was thinking we could go to Subway or McDonald’s for an early lunch, just the two of us. What do you say?!” She gazed back at me with those innocent blue eyes and responded without missing a beat: “I want to go home and see Mommy.”
Did I mention she can get away with saying just about anything?
