Having kids thrusts upon you the idea your days of being more self-centered are over.
Flickr: Wonderferret
Even more so than marriage, having kids requires you to give up your old ways and to focus on the family vs. your own wants and needs. Not that you don’t still opine for those selfish indulgences, you just have to deny yourself as you provide for and nurture your offspring. Eventually, you get used to the new “domestic” you and reserve yourself to the fact watching football on Sundays is the extent of the new selfish you.
The selfish me does rear his head from time-to-time. It tends to happen at times when stress levels are high and sleep levels are low. It happens when that little voice inside says “me, me, me!”
Even when this happens, the 13 years I’ve been a father has helped me correct course. In a time when the world continues to be selfish and focused on self-gratification over all else, the wise voice in my head helps bring me back to center.
Perhaps all of us Dads need to look in the mirror more often and see if we are focusing on the kids entrusted to us or if we’re focusing on the mug staring back. Can we all be more honest with ourselves? Is it preventing us from being better fathers and husbands?
I think of the man faced with a possible new job. Is he taking that job for pure selfish reasons? Will it help him be a better provider? Or is it simply to stoke his own ego. Do we put our own rewards ahead of the best decisions for our family?
Those are hard questions to answer. I feel sometimes I tell myself I am doing it “for my family” but in reality, it’s about what I want.
It’s not an easy to always keep the selfish monster in its cage. We do need to do things for ourselves and for our sanity. It’s all about balance I guess.
And sometimes, balance is tough.
Follow Scott on Twitter @prgully or email him at scott@everyotherthursday.com. His personal blog, where he writes about public relations and social media, is www.scottgulbransen.com. Scott also contributes the the Shamable Blog and is known as the Gluten Free Father and reviews GF food. Wait, was this a selfish plug?
As the Director of Social Media at tax giant H&R Block, Scott Gulbransen recently returned to the tax business after previously spending 1o years at rival Intuit working on the TurboTax & Quicken brands. He brings 16 years as a marketing communications professional, and 11 tax seasons, with him to H&R Block and was responsible for the launch of many key social initiatives at Intuit before leaving in 2010. A strategic thinker and business problem solver, Gulbransen has worked for some of the world’s top brands including TurboTax, Sony Online Entertainment, and Applebee’s.
In 2010, Gulbransen became the first Director of Social Media & Digital Content for Applebee’s, creating the first-ever social media strategy for the world’s largest casual dining chain. While at Applebee’s, Gulbransen lead a small but nimble team responsible for creating a robust and far-reaching social engagement channel for Applebee’s and its franchise community.
In addition to his professional accomplishments at the corporate level, Gulbransen is also a prolific blogger recently named as one of the Top 50 Daddy Bloggers in the US by Cision. Gulbransen was ranked #21.
As a member of the TurboTax communications and social media team for 10 years, Scott helped the TurboTax team launch and sustain the brand’s social media platform. He also drove and was responsible for the launch of TurboTax’s successful content strategy, including the launch of the TurboTax Blog. Recently, he launched one of the most significant social media campaigns in the brand’s history with the @TeamTurboTax Twitter project.
Gulbransen was instrumental in reinvigorating the Quicken brand almost entirely through the use of social media and, particularly, Twitter. By engaging with customers and influencers who talk about personal finance on Twitter, he and his team helped Quicken Online grow from just 200,000 users in October 2008 to over 1.4 Million in just 10 months. This led to a more focused look at the personal finance space for Intuit and, ultimately, the acquisition of Mint.com.
A former print journalist, who, after realizing his paychecks from the newspaper industry weren’t going to get much bigger, turned to the Dark Side – public relations. After working in both college athletics and inside mid-size agencies, he joined Intuit in 2000 and Applebee’s in 2010. He is a graduate of the University of Nevada, Las Vegas (UNLV) and is the married father of five kids.
Despite his busy personal and professional life, Scott is a digital native who never strays far from social networking. To hassle Scott, or to tell him how great you think he is (or not!), email him at scott@scottgulbransen.com, add him to your Circles on Google+, or ping him on Twitter at @sdgully. Scott also is an editor and writer for Technorati.com.
It sounds like this hits home for a lot of men out there! I do my best to get over these issues, or only have them briefly cross my mind. I try to just think about the sacrifices my dad did or didn't do, and try to use that as an example(hopefully choosing to make the reasonable sacrifices he may not have made.)
My wife is about 7 months pregnant right now, and one of us made the mistake of bringing up a topic that revolved around ownership of “stuff.” Well, actually she started saying a couple things were “hers” only, and that she shouldn't have to ask…blah blah blah…you can see where this went.
It instantly got me thinking about this topic, and I attempted to make the point that we can have this selfish rule of who owns what in our household. Now that I was informed it existed, I listed off the “stuff” that was MINE.
This quickly spiraled out of control, but luckily she knew I didn't mean any of it. I just needed to make my point that I am very unselfish, I will continue to be, but please don't start throwing what I am missing in my face.
Good job brother.