Being home during the holiday weeks gives me a lot of quality time on the home front and the chance to play with the kids. We do a ton of things — we play the Wii, read books, watch movies, play in the snow, do day trips, etc.

This year, my youngest has been very interested in the art of the fart. It started with the good ole, pull my finger trick. This set off a series of, “Daddy, pull my finger” sessions that gets her all riled up. The various sounds I had to make to keep her engaged made me think about the fine art of the fart and its many types — each having a technique and science.

- The robusto: this is the let ‘er rip fart. It’s all about maximizing sound and echoing around the room. On the stink scale, this type could vary. If it’s all air, then everything is ok. If it’s packed by a night of drinking, then watch out.

- The wet paper towel: Yea, you know this one alright. This is the one where you think you sharted.

- The heater: Zero or some sound, just air. These types can be the worst offenders in terms of the stink scale, but the easiest to get away with in a crowd.

- The rattler: This is a combo if the wet paper towel, heater and robusto. It’s a mixed bag of farts and it’s impact on the environment is unknown.

- SBD: Silent but deadly. Nuff said.

What’s in your fart repertoire?

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