Would you cheat on her?

A wise man once said, “A man is only as faithful as his options.” Of course, that wise man was a comedian (Chris Rock) but the point is still there. We are really only as faithful as our options. Sadly, it has less to do with a six pack abs than it has to do with social status and well, money. That’s not saying much for the opposite sex, but it also doesn’t speak for the intentions of all women. They aren’t all gold diggers and whores. It’s just easier to attract gold diggers and whores when you are rich or at least famous. The two usually come hand in hand. Tiger Woods is just the latest celebrity athlete to fall into the luscious pit of stray poon and gold digging whores, proving that yes, he is a man and not a golfing robot as some may have thought.

I’m not condoning Tiger’s actions. Cheating on your wife is wrong. I’m just saying that I understand his actions, from a male point of view and living vicariously in his shoes. First off, he’s got a slamming hot wife. But we all know, no matter how hot your wife is, she’s still your wife. And that bread can get stale after a while. That doesn’t mean you have to go out and get a new loaf. Plus, if you have options like Tiger or other big celebrity athletes, then the temptation to dip your club in another sand hazard is that much greater. Plus, did I mention he’s Tiger freaking Woods. Not some lousy range golfer, Tiger Woods. Probably the most well known athlete in the world. He can bag pretty much any chick in the world, and he goes and gets married. That was the mistake right there. Too young Tiger, too young.

Look, major athletes cheating and getting outed for it is nothing new. It’s a great list; A-Rod, Magic, Ali, Babe Ruth, Joe Louis, Joe DiMaggio, Larry Bird, Jordan, Kobe, Tom Brady. That’s the short list. Did it ruin their careers? Hell no. Did it destroy our perception of them as human beings? Sure, for about a month. Now speed everything up to internet time. In about 3 days, the whole Tiger thing will be old news. Hell, we’re already on to Marilyn Monroe smoking pot and Rianna talking about her enjoyment of walking around naked. Chill, I’m looking for the pics now.

On a personal level, Tiger will get past this fairly quickly and get back to philandering quietly out of the public eye. His golf game won’t suffer, and if it does then he’s no Wade Boggs*. The worst thing he could have done was pull out of his next tourney, which he did. When it comes to the public eye he’s very awkward. When Kobe was going through his hassles did he stop playing? Hell no. Tiger might be the best golfer in the world, but he’s not the smartest philanderer. Leaving voice mails leaving his real name? Hundreds of text messages using his actual phone? Did he think he was that untouchable? No, I think he was just that clueless about what he was doing. He saw the buffet in front of him and didn’t think about his weight, even though he had dinner in the fridge at home. A cold, leftover dinner but still.

Back to the point of not getting married in the first place. Guys like Tiger, LeBron, A-Rod, etc., are at the top of their game. They have an advantage over the rest of us shlubs. They are rich, they are powerful, they hold all the power over women that we wish we had. So what do they go and do? Get married. They need to take a lesson from guys like Justin Timberlake. The guy is a super-pimp. All he’s lacking is a cape. There isn’t a woman in existence that wouldn’t drop trou’ for him. Look at his ass resume. Britney Spears, Cameron Diaz, Jessica Biel and those are just the celebrity ones. Lord only knows how long the list is of unknown waitresses, strippers, club girls, underage fans, assistants and so on. And do we truly care? No. Does it affect his performance? No. Probably makes it better. So why do we care so much about Tiger? It’s because he’s married. Hurts his status as a role model. The message here? If you are a freaking superstar named Tiger – don’t get married young. Take advantage of your status and start notching the belt. Wait until you are 40, then settle down and only cheat occasionally.

The bottom line, no matter what Tiger is saying publicly about his “transgressions” he’s smiling on the inside. Not only did he bag some hot tail on the side, but he’ll walk away clean from it. Sure, his rep is tarnished a little bit. We all thought he was the golden boy and couldn’t be touched. Doesn’t make him any less of a great golfer, just makes him a lousy husband.

*Wade Boggs was a notorious womanizer, but no matter what rumors were flying or what women were coming out and saying what, he just kept right on smacking hits and munching on fried chicken and picking bits out of his awesome mustache. Boggs was the man, and should teach clinics to celebrity athletes how to screw around and still keep your head together.

Curtis Silver only cheats at board games. He can be found on the interwebs browsing for pics of Elin Nordegren, Jolene Blalock and Jennifer Aniston or via Twitter @cebsilver.

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