The famous nursery rhyme What Are Little Boys Made Of? ends like this:

“What are little girls made of?

Sugar and spice

And all that’s nice,

That’s what little girls are made of.”

For the most part my girls fit this image to a tee. They love to dress up in pretty outfits for holidays. They mother all of their stuffed animals and dolls, making sure they’re tucked into bed at night. They know how to use their cuteness and smiles to get what they want. Yes, my girls are sweet, charming little ladies in training. Except after dinner.

Abby, the Ultimate Warrior

You see, there’s something about the day coming to a close and the onset of bath & bedtimes that brings out the Ultimate Warriors in both my girls. It usually starts when I get up to leave the table. At that point either Molly or Abby will sprint into the living room and shout at the top of her lungs: “TACKLE ME!!!!!”. And what do I do when that happens? What any self-respecting dad who wants to be remembered as fun and interactive would do: I sprint toward my daughter, fake-launch myself like an NFL safety hitting a defenseless slot receiver, and simulate a collision that to this day makes my wife gasp with that familiar I wouldn’t dream of playing with the kids this way, but he’s the dad and that’s what dads are supposed to do so I’d better mind my own business look on her face.

Macho Molly Savage

Now don’t worry, I’m not the only one who doles out the punishment this way. Usually the first collision is my best hit of the night. After that, the girls use me as a tackling dummy. Abby will yell “sit up!!!”, then she’ll get a running start from 10 feet away before leaping into the air and delivering a punishing hit. Then as I’m lying on the ground trying to get my breath back, Molly will leap from the couch to deliver a diving elbow drop that would make Shawn Michaels proud.

These fun and games don’t happen without risk. The girls and I have survived accidental head-butts, eye rakes, and hair-pulling. Another danger we dads face is that young girls naturally aren’t aware of certain sensitive areas that can be easily kicked or elbowed, but we quickly learn to protect ourselves.

When I tell people about our wrestling and tackle games, I tend to emphasize all the benefits for the kids. After all, it’s a good way for them to expend their final remaining ounces of energy before it’s time to go to sleep, and it helps them to get the exercise they need to stay healthy. But the truth is that I love this time just as much as they do. One of a dad’s most important duties is to instill in his kids a sense that they can do absolutely anything. I’m convinced that teaching them they can toss their mighty dad around like a beanbag is one of those things. Furthermore, these games fall into the very small bucket of things the girls want to do with ME, not their mom. That’s a special feeling I can cherish as I’m being pummeled.

So think of me tonight when you’re sipping a post-dinner cappuccino and flipping through the endless piles of holiday catalogs. Chances are I’ll be in the trenches facing two very familiar opponents, and loving every minute of it.

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