Santa has it easy

So the holidays are coming. They come every year come hell or high water. There’s nothing you can do about it. Most of my family lives a short car ride away. When I say short, we’re talking about 15 minutes tops. People say to me all the time, “Oh, it must be so great to have your family living so close to you.” Typically, I say yes. But when it comes to the holiday’s, it can be a draw back. Here’s why:

• There’s absolutely no excuse NOT to see everyone. When I say everyone, I say everyone. You see my parents have been divorced since I was 12. Both are remarried. I’m also part of a pretty big family, not to mentioned married into one. So when the holiday’s roll around, it’s a family fest more like Jumangi than happy holidays.
• Want to talk about Christmas lists? Oh man. We don’t go hog wild, but there is a list a mile long of people that we get stuff for, mostly because the family is so damn big. This makes for an interesting car packing strategy because you can only go back home once to unload without wanted to stay home.
• The food intake is ridiculous. Between all the stops and all the parties, “swing bys”, etc. there is enough food to feed the country. I kid you not.
• Another holiday aspect that’s always such a joy (read headache) are the kids — no, not my kids, but the fact that when we all get together, there’s a zillion young kids. They are all hopped up on sugar and end up driving us parents up a wall. In fact, there are times when we feel that we’re outnumbered, but that’s mostly because they just tear up the house like they were carpenter ants.

So Santa, if you’re reading, I’m just giving you a little guff about all the credit you get for the holidays. You have magic reindeers, a tubro charged sled, a zillion elfs that are at your disposal, a wife that gets zippo credit and an entire world that thanks you for zipping in and out of houses like magic.

You call that work?

Come hitch a ride with my crew and I’ll show you what Holiday magic is like.

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