Photo Credit: Disney Pictures
I am blessed enough to have the very best pediatrician in the entire universe. His name is Dr. David Schmottlach and I’ve known him for over 30 years. If you’re doing the math, you’ll figure out that he was also my pediatrician as I was a growing young boy.
He was a young, handsome doctor back then, who seemed to make the Moms in the office swoon after every appointment. Now, a distinguished older gentleman (and proud grandfather), Dr. Schmottlach is as much a part of my life as he was then.
Once I moved back to San Diego after my years in Las Vegas, I was back at Dr. Schmottlach’s office with my own 2-year old daughter, complete with my pregnant wife in tow.
What quickly became evident, after switching from a doctor-patient relationship to a parent-doctor relationship some 20 years later, was Dr. Schmottlach wasn’t done treating me as a patient either.
No, I wasn’t due for a booster shot or didn’t need a physical. What I needed was a down-home doctor and good man to tell me something that I’ve only today begun to listen to. After putting his hand on my shoulder and looking over his glasses at my wife, he said: “When is the last time you two had a date night?”
Perhaps it was flashbacks to when I was nine and he was asking me if I was doing something he told me to do, or perhaps it was my own embarrassment, but I didn’t tell him the truth. We hadn’t been on a consistent date night and we still haven’t almost 10 years later.
Flash forward to this week and again Dr. Schmottlach, in his infinite wisdom, told us again:
“I prescribe at least 3-4 date nights a month now that you have four kids,” he said. And he, as always, is completely right.
Date night, or whatever you prefer to call it, is vital and my wife and I are awful – I mean downright deplorable – at it. I can’t even remember our last date. We might have grabbed a movie here or there but never have we really started booking a formal day by which we can live by. It’s been a huge error on our part and now we need to change it.
Why is it so important? The truth is no matter how many kids you have, or how many years you’ve been married, you still need to build your relationship and the intimacy that married couples enjoy. You can’t build just until you have kids or until you’re married. The relationship – which is what you worked so hard to build to start a family – needs dedicated time and it can’t be over a bucket of popcorn watching Mad Men on television.
We all have excuses why we don’t do it: too little time, too little money, not enough engery or not a good idea of how to make a good date night. But, those are all poor excuses. As couples we need to make sure we invest the time to fall in love all over again. We need to invest the time to continue to build intimacy and a closeness that can only come from two adults spending quality time together.
I am vowing today to set those date nights and to fall in love with my wife all over again. It’s important for us and it’s important for our kids.
This is why Dr. Schmottlach hasn’t stopped being my doctor. He’s caring for me – and now my wife and kids – just as much now as he was back then.
Now, what are you waiting for?
Follow Scott on Twitter @prgully or email him at scott@everyotherthursday.com. His personal blog, where he writes about public relations and social media, will relaunch soon at www.scottgulbransen.com. Just don’t bitch at him because he has a very strong pimp hand.
I’m still waiting to meet that first married couple that actually has a consistent date night in their schedule. It’s great advice, I just don’t know anybody online or offline that actually manages to pull it off that way. With two teenagers, it’s easier for us these days as we don’t need to plan ahead for childcare. But we’ve never managed to get it on any sort of schedule, and it often ends up being a combination date / errands trip. Dinner out, and stop at Target on the way home.